3 Shark Attacks In Same Harbor: Don’t Swim Here!

There has been 3 shark attacks in the same Australian harbor this year.  3!  How do you get to 3?!  You’re swimming in an area where 2 different people were separately attacked by sharks!  Swim in an area where 0 different people have been separately NOT attacked by sharks!


William McKinley was the 3rd president assassinated in the U.S.  That’s not his fault.  If he was the 3rd president assassinated in the same year in McCook, Nebraska…his fault.  Word on shark attacks and assassinations of presidents gets out very quickly.  After the 2nd assassination, people everywhere would be like “Man, there’s a lot of assassins in McCook, Nebraska.  Don’t go there if you’re important.”

Don’t be the 3rd person to die in the same place 2 other people just died doing the same thing you’re about to do.  You get it.  Buy the shirt.


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There’s A Headless Chicken Monster In The Ocean Now And Soon Sharks Will Be Extinct


I can’t tell if I want a headless chicken monster as a pet yet but its stock is rising with every passing second. This thing looks like it has unlimited arms that pop out of its skin whenever he may need a hand. If these creatures could be domesticated then the headless chicken monster would be the premier baby diaper changer in the entire world. The video says its a type of swimming sea cucumber but last time I checked cucumbers don’t grow arms.

This is the reason cameras should never be able to touch the ocean floor. At a certain point, were gonna come across the king of the headless chicken monster’s and its going to be a Jimmy Neutron chicken situation. I imagine if Robin Williams ever made a sequel to Flubber it would have this headless chicken monster as the villain, probably a spinoff series on its own depending on sales. This video wouldn’t be allowed on reddit if we were able to see the headless chicken monster during his feeding process. I assume he is as much of a nightmare for other fish as he is going to be for me when I pretend I’m in the ocean during my Monday bath. Worst case scenario is the headless chicken monster grows a head and it leads to them being able to walk on land. Also the best case scenario because then chicken monster fighting will be a premier animal fighting sport in the world.