PMS 057 – March Madness, A Vegas Legend, & The Hardy Boyz

On today’s show, Pat and the guys are locked in on the start of March Madness and chat about who they think is going to make some noise in the tournament, which spawns a conversations about the greatness of Zion Williamson, and whether or not he is the next LeBron. Also, one of the most electric guys around, sports handicapper, inspiration for the film “Two for the Money,” and friend of the show, Brandon Lang, calls into the show to talk March Madness and give the guys a few sure fire locks as well as some other plays for deeper in the tournament, and tells some hilarious stories. If you’re looking for free money, look no further (3:17-30:02). Also joining the show are two of the most accomplished entertainers in the history of sports entertainment. Holders of various titles, icons of the sport, The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff Hardy) join the guys in studio to chat about their illustrious careers, what has changed in the wrestling business over the years, whether or not either one has any fear doing the insane stunts that they’ve pulled for years, what they still want to do in their careers before it’s all said and done, who some of the wrestlers that helped them early in their careers were, and they each share some hilarious stories about their different concepts along the way and take a look back to their early days when they were wrestling in their backyard and appearing on RAW at the ages of 16 and 18, respectively. It’s an incredible conversation with two incredible humans (50:01-1:21:39). Today is a really fun one. Come and laugh with us, cheers.

UFC 232: Nevada Says No To Jon Jones’ Blood

CBSsports.comJones’s drug test showed a trace amount of turinabol, the banned substance that saw him suspended 15 months by the United States Anti-Doping Agency, remained in his system. The USADA referred to it as “an extremely low level,” concluding that it is a residual amount “from his prior exposure for which he was previously sanctioned.” 

Even after the USADA released this statement, the Nevada Athletic Commission says, “Nah dawg.”  They don’t like that turinabol is still present in his system, so now they want Jones to attend a hearing in January to decide if he’s eligible to fight again in Nevada.  So, the UFC had to move this whole operation to LA!  I think the NAC is just done with this dude.  Luckily for us, the California State Athletic Commission is not.

I get it.  Jones has been getting our hopes up for years.  Every time we think we get to enjoy his return to the UFC, he fucks up and gets suspended, but here’s my stance on this whole thing.

To Jon Jones: Stay clean dude!  You should’ve never tested positive to begin with.  Why do you need PED’s?!  You don’t even need to train?!  You could jog twice a week and catch a spin class every other Thursday and still be the champ!  You’re way better than everyone else!  We want to watch you fight!  So, knock it off!

To the Nevada Athletic Commission: Don’t be dicks!  He wasn’t banned for life.  He’s in the program and the USADA went on record with the opinion that this was a trace amount still in his system from the original failed test.  He’s fucked up in California before too and they’re letting him fight!  How about everyone gets on the same page here!

Ultimately, it’s not a big deal as far as the fight goes.  He’s still fighting Alexander Gustafson, who he’ll destroy, but what a pain in the ass for the UFC and all the fighters on the card.  Not to mention all the people that were traveling to the fight and now have to either change their flight and hotel or sell their tickets.

Who is the Nevada Athletic Commission’s decision protecting?  It was a trace amount of turinabol so it’s not protecting Jones or Gustafson.  It cost the UFC a lot of money so it’s not protecting them.  It’s certainly not protecting the ticket holders or the businesses in Vegas that stand to profit from having the fight there, so this can only mean the decision is personal.

So, let’s meet the Nevada Athletic Commission and see if we can figure out who has it out for Jon Jones.

Chairman Anthony A. Marnell III

Staci Alonso
Robert McBeath, M.D.
Dallas Haun
Christopher Ault

We can see by their photos that Anthony and Staci are a good time, so no way it’s either of them.  Robert is a freaking doctor for God’s sake.  He’s all about the science so there’s no way it’s him.

So, what about Dallas Haun and Christopher Ault?  Haun is the Chairman of Nevada State Bank which means he’s all about keeping money in Nevada and not sending it off to California, so let’s rule him out.

Christopher Ault, on the other hand, is an old ass dude who coached the Nevada Wolf Pack’s football team for 28 years and then served as the athletic director there until 2004.  He’s 72, retired and has agreed to serve as an unpaid member of a government commission that controls the livelihood of every fighter that works in Nevada.  Can you say “God Complex”?  This is definitely our guy.  Look at him!  Everything is black and white with this dude.

I’m sure the other commission members tried to explain that the amount of turinabol was just a trace amount left over from before but he’s not listening.  He’s still pissed off about Mark McGwire beating Roger Maris’ home run record, so any amount of PED is too much PED for old Coach Ault.  

I’m glad we finally got to the bottom of this but I’m sad for everyone effected by this horrible, self-righteous decision.  Do better Nevada.  Do better.

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St. Nick’s Holiday Gift Ideas – #2 Secret Agent Mission

If you’re like me and procrastinate until you’re up against the clock you probably haven’t started your holiday shopping yet. I decided to help my fellow humans this year and provide some ideas of gifts for your loved ones and friends this season. Just some simple things to make their lives easier or more enjoyable. Don’t worry folks old St. Nick is here to do the the hard work for you… A few days ago I presented the Shoe Tying Robot to do the dirty work and make you feel like less of a robot. Now we get to a real treat…
Well, actually…

BECOME A SECRET AGENT! Fulfill one of your wildest most sensational childhood dreams of saving the world in dope fashion and making sweet sweet love to tons of beautiful women (or men! not gender exclusive!) along the way (also that last part not actually guaranteed, even though its Vegas, but you’ve got way better odds than normal).

Neiman Marcus the store best known for selling designer items us normies can’t afford is selling a Secret Agent experience this holiday. Here’s what you’ll get to do: 

As the operatives, four adrenaline junkies will fly to Las Vegas via private jet for a three-day, two-night espionage adventure organized by The Invictus Experience. Upon landing, they’ll be greeted by a mysterious man in a tux, who will hand over an envelope containing their assigned mission profile—and the fun will begin with a team of elite and decorated Special Operations Forces veterans.

Free-fall parachutists, combatant divers, force reconnaissance marines, et al will accompany the group to fulfill all of their secret agent fantasies: jumping out of planes, racing supercars, and whatever else is required to complete the mission at hand. When it comes time to refuel and retire for the night, it will be in exceptional style. Covert dinners and unforgettable accommodations at Waldorf Astoria Las Vegas are included. Only one question remains: Will you accept this mission?

FUCK YES I ACCEPT! You’re telling me I can parachute into Vegas with 3 of my best buds Call of Duty style, whip around exotic cars, shoot guns and blow stuff up in the desert, then wind down with cocktails and a succulent filet, before we hit the club to go see some dipshit DJ like Diplo? SIGN ME UP! 

Wait… it costs $315,000? 


This one’s for you 1%’ers

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