Here Are My Top 5 Movies of 2018

There were a ton of really bad movies in 2018. There were also a ton of really good movies but I didn’t get to see most of those ones so if you get upset that A Star is Born or First Man isn’t on the list it’s cause I didn’t see them. Also, Bohemian Rhapsody would absolutely be on here but I haven’t seen it yet. You know what, either way, Rhapsody is number 6 on this list not pictured.

5. Crimes Of Grindelwald  – I’m mostly doing this to start out so everyone here can know this won’t be a test of movie merit but more my personal taste. Obviously it wasn’t rated too hot, but this movie was fucking awesome from a Potter fan perspective. You get more Dumbledore, you get more cool animals dominating cities, and you get another movie after it cause it was a big set up movie. It could have been better, absolutely, but this next one could have a battle scene that rivals Harry and Voldemort with Grindelwald and Dumbledore. I loved this movie, Johnny Depp crushed it and for that it’s my 5. 

Johnny Depp is a good enough reason alone to see it. 

4. Annihilation – This movie was bananas. It reminded me a lot of Ex Machina with an even crazier ending. I’m a huge science fiction guy and this was one of those alien type movies that keep you on edge. The whole concept of this movie was so fascinating that it was a thriller that you couldn’t stop watching. The cast was great but would of liked to see a little more Oscar Isaac. Not to mention, Natalie Portman is worth the price of admission. She is a great actress and if she ever is in Indianapolis she is welcome to come to The Pub. I’ll throw the trailer down here just for those interested, give it a watch. 

3. A Quiet Place – This movie was the modern version of the movie Signs. John Krasinski is a beast and is from Massachusetts so he’s a true triple threat. A concept like this is mind boggling and to think about acting an entire movie without saying a word is wild. I think there is a prequel in the works right now or at least Krasinski knows he could expand on the first one. Hopefully we get more from this movie world and Krasinski follows Jordan Peele’s footsteps. If you haven’t seen it yet the scenes below will give the movie away, probably. 

2.  Avengers: Infinity War – Marvel crushes it every year and this was by far the greatest Marvel movie of all time. That goes without saying that next years Captain Marvel and Endgame will for sure pass this movie. This movie was just absolutely incredible, one of those movies that people will remember where they saw it. I can’t wait for it to be on Netflix so I can just continue to binge watch every battle scene which is the whole movie cause it’s non stop action. This was probably the assumed number 1 but not today. 

My favorite movie of the 2018 year is Ready Player One. This movie was astounding. One of my favorite plot lines ever and every single scene got better and better. It was basically a big walk down memory lane with old movies and video games that were taken to the big screen. An absolutely incredible end battle too with just enough sentiment to grab those emotions and take you for a virtual ride. I would like to think I’d do well in this virtual reality fight world but I can also see myself getting destroyed by the massive gorilla form the first egg challenge. Might be worth watching this battle even if you haven’t seen it yet. Battle scene is ELECTRIC.

Also, look out for VICE to be one of the best movies of the year too. 

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100% Of Marriages To Ghosts End In Divorce

Newsweek – In July 2016, Irish woman Amanda Teague declared that she had married the undead spirit of Jack Teague, a 300-year old Haitian pirate she claims inspired the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series’ iconic Jack Sparrow.  The pair have now divorced, some two years after the ceremony on international waters.

I called this as soon as I read the original story about the marriage.  I mean, Marriage is difficult enough but marriages where one spouse is a ghost and the other is not a ghost…nearly impossible.  In this particular case, the groom is a 300-year-old ghost of a Haitian pirate and the bride is like a 35-year-old Irish chick.  So, right off the bat there’s some major cultural differences to navigate.  I know none of us were around 300 years ago but if you read up on it, guys treated women way differently back then.  Especially in Haiti.  Especially if you were a pirate.  

Irish women are feisty!  I’m just thinking out loud here, but no way an Irish woman of today puts up with being treated like a Haitian woman in 1710.  Also, you know she had to drive everywhere they went.  I’m sure that got old real quick.  That’s why my cousin got divorced.  He got too many DUI’s and lost his license for 10 years.  She walked out by year 2.

Plus, we’ve all worked with that woman whose boyfriend never comes to any of the work functions.  She always talks about how great he is and makes excuses why he couldn’t come, but in the back of her mind she knows we all joke behind her back about how we don’t think he’s real.  That puts a real strain on a relationship.  Now, imagine her excuse is, “He’s actually standing next to me right now.  You just can’t see him.”

I also can’t imagine the sex is that great.  I’d put ghost sex down there right next to phone sex.  In both cases its just a voice telling you what he’s doing to you.  That’s fine if you’re out of town on a business trip or something but eventually you’re going to want the real thing.

Finally, I think respecting your partner’s privacy and giving them “alone time” is very important if you want to maintain a healthy relationship.  There’s no privacy with ghosts.  They can be anywhere they want without you knowing it.  Let’s say you’re doing some healthy venting to your best friend over a beer about how you have to pay for everything because your ghost husband can’t get a job.   Then you hear, “I thought you said you didn’t care about that Karen!   You knew I was a ghost when you married me!  How am I supposed to get a job Karen!  I’m dead!  I can’t even hold money!”

It’s sad whenever I hear that a marriage is ending but I think we use this one as a learning experience for all.  Love doesn’t always conquer all.  If you fall in love with a ghost, don’t rush it.  Try living with the ghost for a couple years or so before you decide to tie the knot.  A ghost, above anyone, should respect that forever is a very long time, so you want to make sure you get it right.

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The Crimes Of Grindelwald Review, No Spoilers

Thursday night I went to the opening showing of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. I don’t want to brag but, it was in IMAX.

Before the headliners go off about this stat right here, let’s talk numbers. The lowest opening weekend before The Crimes of Grindelwald was 77.1 million, not including the first Fantastic Beasts that was below these numbers too at 74 million. The 77.1 Potter was Order of The Phoenix and any movie with Umbridge is bound to be terrible. Movie franchise’s that go back to do prequel series’ are consistently destroyed cause some hardcore fans refuse to buy into a new set of movies. Personally, as a Harry Potter fanatic and the owner of one Gryffindor school robe, I loved it. Johnny Depp plays a perfect Grindelwald, not over the top but still playing the role in a cynical way. I mean, look at that photo above, he looks like the wizard that used to get all the girls without even playing quidditch at Hogwarts. Just had the leather jacket and people flocked. Anyone who watched the first of this series knows Credence probably died but they kept him alive for a great reveal. I was never a fan of his character in the first movie but I thought the way they progressed his character allows him to bring way more to the table.

Jude Law’s Dumbledore was awesome and the stuff you find out about Dumbledore is the reason this movie is a must see. Any real fan would appreciate all the things they tie together with the original movies, especially with Nagini being a person (revealed in trailer). This was for sure a setup movie but the information, battle scenes, and magic all make it worth going to see the newest installment. As a Harry Potter fan, I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t like this movie, but setup movies in a series always take the bad reviews and the others get the job done (Desolation of Smaug did about the same in its opening weekend.) I don’t think J.K. Rowling cares about them anyways, the Potter movies have grossed over 2 billion worldwide so numbers aren’t as important. Dumbledore will play a much bigger role in the next movie too.

Eddie Redmayn crushed this role and similar to Dumbledore, you get a look at Newt at Hogwarts and his life before. He’s also up for love triangle of the century but no spoilers. The new creatures in this movie are electric and you still get some of the beasts from the first movie coming back to help Newt and the boys. Speaking of beasts, Dan Fogler is one of my favorite characters in this series. He’s hysterical and the idea of a muggle rolling with the wizards and being right next to all the action is hilarious. All in all, this movie has a unique look at Dumbledore’s life that you don’t get with any of the other Potter movies, not to mention Grindelwald is turning into an all-time villain. The next one in this series has the potential to be one of the better Potter movies in the series, hopefully they go big.


Whitey Bulger’s Dead And I Never Got To Thank Him

Infamous Boston gangster James “Whitey” Bulger was killed just a week after his transfer to a federal prison in West Virginia, at the age of 89.

Killed might be an understatement.  Inmates, most likely hired by the mafia, put padlocks in pillow cases and turned his head inside out.  They also gouged out his eyeballs and nearly cut out his tongue.  Graphic right?  Yeah, because he deserved it!  I’m not pulling punches in this blog because, for scumbags like Whitey Bulger, there’s no sweeter justice than prison justice.  Even at 89, no one feels sorry for this dude.  You reap what you sew.

Not only did he run one of the most violent criminal organizations in our nation’s history; poisoning the streets where he grew up with drugs, robbing the hard-working people that lived there and littering the historic landscape of South Boston with the bodies of those who got in his way…he’s also to blame for the shittiest mob movie ever made.

Bulger’s life story was the basis for the movie Black Mass.  A real snooze-fest that starred Johnny Depp as Whitey Bulger.  I’m not sure if the movie was as bad as I remember or if I was just so distracted by Depp’s creepy bald-cap and colored contact lenses, that I couldn’t focus on what was happening.  Is he a vampire or a gangster?!  Make up your mind because it’s freaking me out!

Bulger wasn’t just a ruthless psychopath who birthed a movie turd, he was also a rat!  Yup.  While doing everything I mentioned above, he ran with impunity for 17 years because he was an informant for a dirty FBI agent who kept Bulger off the law enforcement radar so he could feed the FBI information on rival drug dealers and mafia figures.  This dude had the moral compass of tiger shark.

Whitey Bulger was one of the worst, most evil human beings to ever walk our planet and now he’s dead and I never got the chance to thank him.  If I could meet him in person, I would look him straight in his soul-less eyes and say, “Thank you.  Thank you for being who you were.”

It’s true, but let me explain.  I’m one of the biggest UFC fans in the world and Whitey Bulger is a big reason why the UFC is where it’s at today.

This is where UFC fans say, “Fuck you!  Dana White made the UFC what it is today!”  Yes, this is true.  Dana White convinced the Fertitta brothers to buy the UFC in 2001 and then, as president and equity partner, used his genius to re-invent the dying organization and turn it into the $4 billion dollar company it is today.  This only happened because Dana White got involved with the UFC and the Fertitta brothers while living and working in Las Vegas.  And he was only in Las Vegas because he had to flee South Boston because Whitey Bulger was going to have him whacked.

Sounds fucking crazy, right?!  Dana White has gone on record with the fact that he was making his living by running a boxing gym for at-risk youth in South Boston during Bulger’s reign.  At that time, if you wanted to run a business in that neighborhood, you had to pay tax to Whitey Bulger.  So eventually, Bulger sent his right-hand man and enforcer, Kevin Weeks, to White’s gym to collect.

Weeks informed White that he owed them $2500.  White informed him he didn’t have it.  Weeks informed him that he better get it.  This went on for a few weeks until finally, White received a phone call from Weeks who stated that he had until noon the next day to pay up.  So, White immediately packed up his shit, moved to Las Vegas and never looked back.

So Whitey, if you can hear me down there, thank you.  Thank you for making Dana White flee, in fear for his life, to Las Vegas where fate awaited his brilliance, so he could save the UFC and build it into the juggernaut of an organization it is today.  You inadvertently helped rescue the sport of MMA from obscurity and bring it to the mainstream all because you were willing to kill a dude, that was just trying to keep troubled kids off the street, for a lousy $2500.  I hope you enjoy burning in hell half as much as I enjoy watching the UFC.