The Titanic Was Found On Accident! Well, Sort Of.

CNN.com – Robert Ballard, who discovered the Titanic, said that the expedition was part of a secret US military mission to recover two sunken nuclear submarines on the bottom of the ocean.”They did not want the world to know that, so I had to have a cover story,” Ballard said.

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Ballard was in the process of seeking funding for an exhibition to find the Titanic in 1985.  The US Government caught wind of this and was like, “Hey man.  Here’s where we’re at right now.  We kind of lost a couple submarines in the Atlantic Ocean a while back that have nuclear weapons on them…and that’s kind of a big deal here in the office.  So, what if we pay you to find those for us, but we tell the world that you’re being paid to find the Titanic?  Then if you find our subs soon enough and you have some extra time after, you can go look for the Titanic or whatever.”

This was a win for everyone because we weren’t exactly on good terms with Russia in 1985 so we couldn’t have them finding out we had nukes out there on the ocean floor.  And Ballard gets a chance to find the Titanic, which would make him RICH AS FUCK!

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The government knew where the subs were so finding them would be easy, except he had to do it without the Russians following him.  Evidently, this Ballard dude was a G because he located the subs and accomplished his mission with 12 days to spare.  So, then he went out and found the Titanic, a ship that had been lost at sea since 1912, in just 12 days!  It was 12,000 feet deep at the bottom of the North Atlantic, which I’m guessing made it a real bitch to find.  But Ballard did it!  After all this time, we had the Titanic and everything in it!  The money, the cars, the jewelry, the ledgers, and yes…we finally had the most sought after historical treasure of all time.  We had Jack’s naked drawing of Rose! 

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This made everyone happy.  Except for Rose.  This was obviously pre-internet so can you imagine how Rose felt?  She had one little moment of indiscretion where she got caught up in the moment and let a dude draw a naked pic of her and then gets lucky enough that it gets buried 12,000 feet at the bottom of the ocean.  She didn’t have a worry in the world!  No way anyone will ever find it now, right?  Ha!  Wrong!

I honestly think that’s why Rose didn’t let Jack on the door with her.  He was the only person the world that knew her dirty little secret.  “Sure, the drawing is going down with the ship but what if this guy gets rescued and starts running his mouth to everybody about what a whore I am?”  That information could ruin a lady!  Especially in 1912! 

Good for Robert Ballard.  Not only did he help answer the questions we had about the sinking of the Titanic, he also helped reinforce the fact that no secret is safe.  No matter how safely you think that secret is tucked away, it can always resurface.  Oh, and he also kept the Russians from getting our nukes.

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FACIAL RECOGNITION IS GOING TO BRING US ALL DAHN

Well not really…

Disclaimer: I’m not made for the blogging world.

I’ve been following these stories for some months now. It was actually going to be my vitamin thought but always forgot to say it on the podcast. Let me tell you the backstory. Here’s a trending article on twitter below ( I feel thats what a blogger would do).

https://twitter.com/i/moments/1072892874658889728

Alright that might have been too many tweets but I couldn’t figure out how to have less. So I hope you read a couple and then scrolled dahn. Alright I’m not a big conspiracy guy but with all this new facial recognition…I’m becoming one. 

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Ever since I updated my phone to the new iPhone…I was a little hesitant because of this face scans and it wasn’t for the conspiracy reason, but for more of I won’t be able to get in my phone when I want and I didn’t think it would work at all. I’ve owned the new phone for about 5 months and I haven’t had a lot of problems. That concerned me because the only times it would cause a problem is when I change my appearance. (Some examples new hat, shaving my beard off, and new sun glasses). After the first couple scans it works perfect. So now my phone knows all of my “disguises” if i was a spy. All I know Jason Bourne would never own one of these fancy phones.

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Alright let me know if this is a “new-conspiracy guy” just rambling nonsense… Because I know this could work for good but its creepy if the big companies are just selling what I look like at all times. And I know I’m not the target they’re looking for but I just feel cheated. 

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From the Desk of Director of Morale
Zito

Disgruntled Guy Fingers Entire Town

Have to respect a good grudge. Any argument or dispute that lasts over a decade means anything goes. The seeds of hate have taken root and after 10 arduous years they have blossomed into a one big beautiful “Fuck You.” Few things are as satisfying as flipping somebody the bird after they do some dumb, irrational bullshit… Imagine being able to deliver one of the biggest of all time to your entire town!

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Ten years ago, Ted Pelkey wanted to build a 8,000 square foot garage, so he could move his truck repair and recycling businesses to his own property, rather than working in the nearby town of Swanton, Vermont. It’s not exactly clear why, but local government was not about it and shut it down, refusing to give Teddy a permit. 

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Pelkey fought them for years, but no dice.  A true battle of proletariat and the bourgeoisie. A blue collar man vs the corrupt government machine! Finally he couldn’t take it anymore and decided to show everyone his distaste for the constant rejection. Ted dropped a cool $4,000 to erect a 20 ft high giant middle finger statue in his front yard…

Putting spotlights on it for night time was a nice touch. The most beautiful irony in all of this drama is Pelkey outsmarted the local government with a loophole after they had been jerking him around for years. You would think town officials would simply force him to take it down, but they can’t! Suckers! Apparently, yes the town had banned billboards in the past, but since the giant finger statue is not advertising a business, it’s technically public art. Public art in town is protected by free speech. Pelkey’s thoughts? “Most wonderful thing I’ve ever been told in my life.”

Respect to you Mr. Pelkey. Let that hate flow long and strong, loud and proud. 

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