If you’re like me and procrastinate until you’re up against the clock you probably haven’t started your holiday shopping yet. I decided to help my fellow humans this year and provide some ideas of gifts for your loved ones and friends this season. Just some simple things to make their lives easier or more enjoyable. Don’t worry folks old St. Nick is here to do the the hard work for you… A few days ago I presented the Shoe Tying Robot to do the dirty work and make you feel like less of a robot. Now we get to a real treat…
BECOME A SECRET AGENT! Fulfill one of your wildest most sensational childhood dreams of saving the world in dope fashion and making sweet sweet love to tons of beautiful women (or men! not gender exclusive!) along the way (also that last part not actually guaranteed, even though its Vegas, but you’ve got way better odds than normal).
Neiman Marcus the store best known for selling designer items us normies can’t afford is selling a Secret Agent experience this holiday. Here’s what you’ll get to do:
As the operatives, four adrenaline junkies will fly to Las Vegas via private jet for a three-day, two-night espionage adventure organized by The Invictus Experience. Upon landing, they’ll be greeted by a mysterious man in a tux, who will hand over an envelope containing their assigned mission profile—and the fun will begin with a team of elite and decorated Special Operations Forces veterans.
Free-fall parachutists, combatant divers, force reconnaissance marines, et al will accompany the group to fulfill all of their secret agent fantasies: jumping out of planes, racing supercars, and whatever else is required to complete the mission at hand. When it comes time to refuel and retire for the night, it will be in exceptional style. Covert dinners and unforgettable accommodations at Waldorf Astoria Las Vegas are included. Only one question remains: Will you accept this mission?
FUCK YES I ACCEPT! You’re telling me I can parachute into Vegas with 3 of my best buds Call of Duty style, whip around exotic cars, shoot guns and blow stuff up in the desert, then wind down with cocktails and a succulent filet, before we hit the club to go see some dipshit DJ like Diplo? SIGN ME UP!
Wait… it costs $315,000?
This one’s for you 1%’ers