Who’s On Your Christmas Mount Rushmore?


The sweatshirt above is something that we cooked up and that is still available now. That’s a very solid Mount Rushmore, no question about it. Several OG’s of the Christmas season resting up there, but I think there are a few glaring omissions that need to be addressed and added here.¬†

The Wet/Sticky Bandits

Obviously it’s damn near impossible to condense the best moments of Harry and Marv into one video. It simply can’t be done. Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern carry this fucking movie every step of the way. I’ve seen Home Alone 1 and 2 no less than 5,000 times each. To the point where I can very nearly recite both films front and back. I’ll go to my grave saying that the “SUCK BRICK KID,” scene is one of the top 10 milestones of cinema in the last 100 years.

Couple this with Joe Pesci having to record 100’s of takes each time they were on set because he couldn’t stop saying fuck, and you have two of the cultural foundations of Christmas.

Clark Griswold

Same deal, I’ve watched Christmas Vacation too many times to count, laugh just as hard at the same scenes each and every time. Chevy Chase’s personal actions aside (he’s been a raging dickhead for the last 10-15 years give or take), you simply can’t replace Clark Griswold with anyone else and have the same movie. The rants, the sarcasm, the situations he finds himself in.. I imagine this is what Christmas is like for a lot of families that have relatives come out of town and have to host everyone at their home.

Clark also nails the pervasive feeling you have towards your coworkers when working in a cube or office setting. Get the fuck out of my face, get me the fuck out of here, I don’t need to deal with anymore of your bullshit for a week or two.

Also, big shoutout to Brian Doyle-Murray for playing a pitch perfect asshole in this movie and being the reason we get one of the best Christmas rants in the history of the holiday.

I want go too far into this, but Cousin Eddie is simply a bonus. More caricature than character, but everyone can find a small piece of someone in their family through him. That one person who drives everyone batshit insane and they’re such a good time that you can’t really complain too much, but you can’t wait to get them the fuck out of your hair.

Christmas Vacation hasn’t aged in 20+ years, and Clark Griswold is the straw that stirs the drink, so he’s got to be here.

George Bailey

May take some heat from this, but I don’t give a shit. I watch¬†It’s A Wonderful Life every year on Christmas. It’s a tale as old as time, one that I won’t rehash here. Just know that George Bailey is the GOAT. Jimmy Stewart flexes nuts so hard in this film it’s almost sickening. Getting pissed on by Mr. Potter constantly, contemplating suicide until Clarence Odbody, Angel 2nd Class, decides to mosey on down from heaven to save his sorry ass. It’s truly a rags-to-riches feel good story that’s sure to warm your black heart around the holiday season. Not to ruin anything, but it also spawned one of my favorite SNL skits of all time.

Also, the film is out there remastered in color.. don’t be a schmuck, watch it in black and white the way it was intended to seen.

Willie T. Soke

Billy Bob Thornton playing a boozed up, scumbag mall Santa Claus is pure gold. I don’t know if I could act like this big of a prick if I tried, and William Robert Thornton gives everyone a master class in how to do so. I could repost damn near every clip from this movie, because they’re all an absolute hoot, but the real gut busters are coming from Willie’s interaction with his pal Thurman Merman.

Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

There are obviously quite a few more that can be added on here, guys like Yukon Cornelius, Hermey the Elf, anyone who wants to make the most tired argument on the internet and throw John McClane in there, go ahead. But for my money, these guys above are the cream of the crop. Let me know who your Christmas Mount Rushmore consists of @tyschmit

And have a Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.