ICYMI: Chicago Blackhawks Mascot Absolutely Bodied A Fan Over The Weekend

https://twitter.com/Suntimes/status/1074108899580669952
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Although the video above doesn’t show it, Tommy Hawk was the victim here. Allegedly, some punk picked a fight with him during the Blackhawks 4-3 overtime loss to Winnipeg in the Mad House on Madison on Saturday. The Chicago Sun-Times reported the following, “The alleged attacker was described as a white man between 18 and 20, about 5-foot-5 and 160 pounds. No one was in custody as of Saturday night.” 

I don’t think an arrest, or jail time, or anything else like that is necessary. This kid got ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BODIED by Tommy Hawk. If you get picked up and slammed into the concourse and then eat five or six punches and get put into a subsequent guillotine by a mascot after you start throwing a couple jabs his way, that’s social suicide. Every person that this kid knows saw him get his ass beat by Tommy Hawk. This video went viral quick and was one of ESPN’s top trending stories over the weekend. And if there’s any justice in this world, this kid will be getting shit shoveled in his mouth for the rest of the school year, and potentially the next 5-10 years. You never go after a mascot. It’s low hanging fruit. Granted, if you’re not one of the plants who gets popcorn or an XL soda spilled on them, and a mascot tries to get cute and zones in on you, then you have the greenlight. But if you blindside a mascot on the concourse while he’s trying to go around and take pictures with little kids and hand out a bunch of high-fives, you’re a real piece of shit.

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And boy oh boy did this kid regret it. If you’re going to pick a fight with a mascot, there should be a couple of things you check off your list before you do so:

1. Are you a 5’5″ 160 lb. pipsqueak who has a very good chance of being embarrassed and thrown through the concrete?

2. Are there hundreds of people around who would be able to film you getting your ass beat by said mascot and then have the ability to send it our via Twitter or Instagram to spread to the masses?

3. Are you sure underneath that fuzzy suit there isn’t an absolute specimen with a black belt in judo relishing the opportunity to kick some ass and bodyslam someone straight to hell should anyone be foolish enough to throw some cheap shots at him?

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4. Do you have incredibly tight khaki’s on that look more like high waters and people can see 3/4’s of your pixie stix legs below the ankle of the pant? 

If you can definitively answer yes to one or more of these questions, then going after the mascot isn’t a wise choice. It’s a lose-lose situation. So you get tuned up with the boys and you end up fighting the mascot. Best case scenario you go to jail for assault and everyone thinks you’re a horses ass because you picked a fight with someone you weren’t expecting to defend themselves. Or you do what this kid did. You try to act tough, probably suck down one to two IPA’s and you get some liquid courage only to find out that you fucked with the wrong guy and that he’s filled with rage and coming for blood.

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Obviously, the silver lining for this kid is that his name hasn’t been released.. yet. He’s got a day or two of obscurity before everyone in the greater Chicagoland area knows how big of a whistledick he is. Clock is ticking, pal.

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