The New Aladdin Looks Great!

Pictures of the new live action Aladdin movie hit the internet today and wow does Aladdin look incredible. Jasmine too!

Mena Massoud is relatively unknown actor to American audiences in film, he’s done some TV, but I mean this guy is the living embodiment of Aladdin come to life. His eyes will melt your girls panties in a nanosecond. 

Naomi Scott looks beautiful and as elegant as can be as Princess Jasmine. Looking quite regal. 

Nailed it.

 And then there’s everyone’s favorite… The Genie, formerly played in brilliant, vibrant fashion by the late great Robin Williams who turned in an iconic performance… now cast as this ass clown.

Look at this fucking dick. WUT?

https://giphy.com/gifs/disney-shocked-aladdin-genie-zq40pTVoz98Gc

I saw this for the first time this morning in the gym and let me tell you the motivation and energy that rushed through my veins was unmatched. If I could bottle that up and sell it would put any workout supplement company out of business and I would be rich enough to bury this guy once and for all. 

This looks brutal! I won’t even get into the cultural appropriation talk, that’s not my battle. I don’t even care that he’s not blue. But for those who do here he is…

Yikes

Some things you can’t unsee…

https://giphy.com/gifs/starz-will-smith-memory-5zh1j8sUfLUJGI5T5d

UPDATE (12:45PM):

No way was that the original plan. Attention whore Will was catching too much heat online and is going to have these poor animators working til their fingers bleed and their eye balls melt turning him blue. If you see the release date get bumped, you know why… /UPDATE

I honestly think he just looks like a slap dick jack ass. I understand Disney wanted a live action movie here, but why is a freaking genie, a mythical magical being, not being CGI’d. I know why! Will’s been out of the spotlight too long. You think he was going to let them cover him up? HaHaaaa (Fresh Prince laugh), no freaking chance. We get Fresh Prince of Flops with a shitty goatee and a glued on pony tail.

Will Smith’s Genie in ‘Aladdin’ Described as “Part Fresh Prince, Part Hitch”

Oh really? You don’t say? No fucking shit. This is how he plays every character!

“The great thing about the role of the Genie is that it’s essentially a hyperbole for who that individual actor is, so it’s a wonderful platform and tapestry for an actor to fill his boots on,” Director Guy Ritchie said.

So you didn’t actually cast an actor here for an incredible performance Guy, you casted the “Look at ME” king to be himself. Not a bad strategy in today’s world I must admit. The sheep don’t know what they want til you give it to them.

https://giphy.com/gifs/x0n89ZitkjQYbXQG9K

Smith added. “There hasn’t been a lot of that hip-hop flavor in Disney history.” You know what a genie needs? MORE HIP HOP!

https://giphy.com/gifs/lol-ONrzqhQPWdems

The vanity of Smith’s Genie is front and center in the character’s first scene on-screen. When Aladdin arrives in the Cave of Wonders, and rubs the lamp for the first time, Genie appears from his captivity only to be surprised when Aladdin doesn’t recognize him.

Oh here we go, just take me out behind the shed and shoot me right between the fucking eyes. If Aladdin doesn’t save the Princess and ends up exiled to the Agrabah desert don’t be surprised. If he didn’t recognize the almighty Will I mean the Genie and pay his due respects I see no chance of him coming out on top.  This film ends with the Genie going full cuck, tricking the Princess into falling in love with him while he’s already married to a lovely Genie wife at home, getting Jasmine pregnant, then treating her like shit for years on end until she develops a drug addiction, relents into an open marriage. Then he forces his dumb sexually ambiguous Genie kids into the Agrabah square to blast their shitty Genie music into everyone’s ears, and then he’s free to coerce the next line of young royalty into his bed and create a continuous cycle of misery for the world to suffer. WHO’S THE REAL VILLAIN HERE JAFAR??!?! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A PUPPET ALADDIN!!

https://giphy.com/gifs/aladdin-disney-genie-d8YBM0IgPszle

Note: I’m well aware this movie will make hundreds of millions of dollars and be a success because the formula is already proven. Disney is recreating old cartoon films with a live action cast and rolling in dough, laughing all the way. Sheep like us (YOU) will always want to relive our childhood and take our children to see the new versions of the films we grew up with and we’re all poorer for it in the end while Disney gouges our pockets.

Fuck Will Smith.

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