One of the benefits of working for The Pat McAfee Show is the cast of interesting characters that stop by the office to visit. One of my favorite characters that stops in is MMA fighter Matt Mitrione.
Matt is a top heavyweight who currently fights for Bellator and previously for the UFC. He’s a top-tier fighter who hails from Lafayette, IN (his current home) and trains in Indianapolis with Chris Lytle, so he graces us with his presence from time to time.
Today, Matt stopped in the office and stole my hat for the third time since I’ve been friends with him. I got a bunch of hats and I love Matt so I’m happy to let him have one every now and again. Plus, he’s one of the deadliest humans walking the Earth and I’m not even in the top 500 million so…
This interaction led to an awesome conversation in the office after Matt left. First, let me say we all LOVE Matt Mitrione. He’s awesome! But because he is literally one of the deadliest humans on our planet, I asked the crew if all of us attacked him at the same time, did they think we could beat him up.
Zito, Digs, Connor and Ty were quick to answer with a resounding yes. Their argument was that no matter how big or skilled he is as a fighter, no one can beat up 10 guys at once. Pat, Nick and I weren’t as convinced. We did concede that their theory is sound but our diffidence was based on the reality that for 10 of us to accomplish this, every single one of us has to be 100% committed to the simultaneous attack. That means that each of us has to be ok with the fact that 2, if not 3, of us are going to get knocked the fuck out.
For this to work, there can be no hesitation. A staggered attack would mean we’d all by at risk of getting severely fucked up. This is 100% a swarm situation. We’d have to overwhelm him and get him on the ground so that he can’t move. That’s way easier said than done. It’s hard for 10 people to effectively pile on a monster like Matt and totally restrict his movement. Keep in mind, he’s going to be breaking dudes’ fingers, biting off ears, crushing testicles…I don’t think our crew has that kind of commitment. But I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that not only does Matt Mitrione have that kind of commitment…I’m pretty sure he’d rather do that than have sex.
The crew still seems divided on this but I stand by my opinion. Mike Tyson said it best, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” That quote applies to schmucks like us. People like Mike and Matt actually make a living by having a plan after they get punched in the face.
Regardless, this was just a hypothetical question based my twisted curiosity. This would never happen because we love Matt and he loves us. We hope.
Follow @mattmitrione and watch his fight on February 15th.