PMS 2.0 033 – An Incredibly Jolly Holiday Conversation/Celebration

On today’s show, Pat and the guys recap their Christmas breaks as Pat chats about his food preparations and getting his Shelby restored, Todd gives a scathing review of Holmes and Watson, and Digs breaks down his Christmas from hell. Pat also talks about calling the Packers and Lions game at Lambeau on Sunday and tries to learn a little more about the guys he’ll be calling the game with. They also look at this weekend’s NFL slate and decide which games are important in terms of playoff implications including Pat sending potential bulletin board material to the Titans before their tilt with the Colts on Sunday night, the guys debate about Tom Brady’s injury and whether or not the Patriots will be able to continue to run all over everybody. To close out the show, Pat asks people to send in phrases they’d like him to use on Sunday, with the best recommendation winning a $100 gift card to the store at patmcafeeshow.com. We hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. It’s good to be back. Come and laugh with us, cheers.

Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 29 – The Perfect Roommate

On today’s show, the guys cover a lot of ground. They discuss Will Ferrell’s career and look through his catalog of movies, decide what the correct process is for giving gifts around the holidays, and get into a lengthy discussion about Club Med, and decide whether they or cruise or all-inclusive guys for vacations. They also cover the underground “Carnie Mafia” sweeping through Arkansas, and talk about a man vying to implant a bluetooth speaker into his chest so he always knows what direction north is, and Gorms tells a couple of hilarious Jim Irsay stories and gives out a Friday gift for all the bro bro bro’s. Todd wants to know who the guys would choose if they were single and could pick any living person as a roommate. They also answer some listener questions including selecting TV show characters for each other, and deciding which major sport they would choose if they were a bench player making the league minimum. As always, the guys wrap up the show with some Friday Bangerz to help kickstart your weekend. It’s a fun one, come and have a good time with us.

This episode includes @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeShow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @BroBroBroBets, @VivalaZito, and @evanfoxy.

St. Nick’s Holiday Gift Ideas – Shoe Tying Robot

If you’re like me and procrastinate until you’re up against the clock you probably haven’t started your holiday shopping yet. I decided to help my fellow humans this year and provide some ideas of gifts for your loved ones and friends this season. Just some simple things to make their lives easier or more enjoyable. Don’t worry folks old St. Nick is here to do the the hard work for you…

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Let me tell you we have found a winner here. It’s become so instinctual you don’t even think when you do it, it’s just a natural habit, a way of life if you will. Tying your shoes is the WORST. I only do it once, the very first time I put on a new pair of kicks. Then I’m constantly playing the slip and slide game trying to jam my foot in without messing up the aesthetic or creasing the sneakers. Like a drunken frat boy who’s been hammering whiskey all night and gone limp, I’m wiggling and wavering trying to find the right angle of insertion to get it in and keep it moving. Because this is all about efficiency, the less I have to do the better. 

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This tedious task is part of the daily monotony that can make your life feel awfully robotic. Wake up, brush your teeth, tie your shoes, go to work, go home, go to sleep, wash, rinse, repeat, etc.

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WELL DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU! For the low price of roughly $600 you can get your hands on a piece of the future! A device straight from the Jetsons! A shoe tying robot!!!

Yes it’s all too real. You probably didn’t think we had this type of tech just laying around! The future is now!!! Just stick it in and let it go to work baby! This fancy state of the art device is all too happy to do the bullshit you don’t want to deal with. Imagine your old man’s face when you he unwraps this beauty under the tree! No more bending over! Kiss those back issues good bye! Kneeling down all the time to tie your shoes!? Hello knee problems! NO MORE! 

Now I know what you’re going to say… but it takes so long I could tie my own in half the time. This may be true, however who doesn’t love to be pampered and taken care of? You can’t put a price on the delicacy and care of this technology gently looping those laces for you, making you feel, all high and mighty, even powerful like a king!

No need to thank me, your loved one’s joy on X-mas morning and their new lifetime of happiness will be all the thanks I need. 

…Or be a baller and drop a few stacks on the Nike Air Mags from Back to the Future. They retail for around anywhere from $10,000-50,000 USD!

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These Frying Pans Are Shrinking Our Penises!

DailyMail.com – Men could end up with penises half-an-inch shorter than usual if their parents were exposed to high levels of a chemical used in non-stick frying pans.  Scientists have found the chemicals, called PFCs, can interfere with male hormones and lead to sexual organs being ‘significantly’ shorter and thinner.

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Come on science!  Give us a break!  We already have to worry about everything giving us cancer or causing heart disease, now we have to worry about are penises getting smaller?!  I’ll scrape my eggs from the pan!  It’s not that big a deal!  Just don’t shrink my penis!

How incredible is it that every scientist in the world has been working for decades to find a chemical that enlarges penises and then some scrub, tasked with keeping chicken from sticking to a frying pan, figures out how to shrink them?

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That’s always the way things work out.  It’s always something bad.  Scientists rarely discover a cure for something or something that makes us better on accident.  And even when they do, it usually ends up spinning out of control.

Can you imagine if they figured out these PFC’s make penises longer and thicker?  Guys would be scraping the coating off every non-stick frying pan they could get their hands on!  They’d be crushing up the shavings, melting them down in a spoon and shooting them directly into their bloodstream!  The non-stick frying pan industry would thrive!  Stores wouldn’t be able to keep them on the shelves!  Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray would be the wealthiest people on the planet!  But then when it becomes nearly impossible to legitimately buy a non-stick frying pan at the store or online, that’s when the shit hits the fan.

Crime goes way up because every delinquent dude with a small penis is going to break into your house to go through your kitchen cabinets while you’re away at work or on vacation.  Tiny penis gangs will be robbing restaurants at gun point, “Get on the ground!  Go in the back and bring out all your teflon cooking products!”  Oh, and that’s when the Cartels move in to control the underground non-stick frying pan market.  It would be chaos!

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So, we’re probably better off that things worked out the way they did.  We tend to have trouble handling things that are awesome.  

Follow @toddmccomas

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