Man Burns Down House Killing Spider’s, Immediately Becomes My Best Friend

ABC News– A man who was house-sitting for his parents set their home on fire when he used a blowtorch to kill spiders, according to authorities.

Fire fighters responded to a 911 call about a fire Tuesday night at a home in Fresno, California.

The tenant of a two-story residential house “just made a bad decision to use fire instead of insecticides to kill the spiders,” Lee Wilding, deputy fire marshal with the Fresno Fire Department, told ABC News.

“The tenant used a torch like a handheld propane torch to kill the spiders that were around the base of the residential structure, and in doing so some flame from the torch went in between some of the cracks and the siding and into the interior of the wall,” Wilding said. “It started a small fire within the wall that then traveled up into the attic through the wall space and into the attic to cause a larger fire.”

It was bound to happen.  You cant have that many memes about something happening without it actually happening 

Im not sure that I’ve respected a move more in my life.  Spider’s are the absolute worst things on this god forsaken planet. Not one thing worse.  Look at these pieces of shit…

Fuck the fire marshal who said it was a “bad idea” to use fire instead of insecticide’s to kill the spider’s.  Not everyone just has insecticide’s laying around the house and there is no way that you can leave the house to buy insecticide’s and hope that when you get back the spider’s haven’t wised up and moved to a different spot of the house. You kill the spider’s with whatever means are closest to you, and a blowtorch is an excellent option.  His only fault was not being great with a torch, but that happens.  This man is a hero and should be treated as such. Not only did he save his family but he also probably saved 100’s of lives from the surrounding area. Kudos to this man. I will gladly donate to a GoFundMe for this man to pay for the house and any ludicrous things he has to pay for because of this.  Keep fighting the good fight sir.

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Red Sox Home Stand Recap

The Boston Red Sox are currently looking for their first World Series since 2013 as the joust with the Dodgers rolls on Friday. Tuesday, the Red Sox showed why they have the best team in baseball: we dominate scoring in the first inning. The fact every team passed on J.D. Martinez absolutely blows my mind. The guy was signed in late February, thought to have been asking for too much money, and yet here he is on his way to a World Series MVP. But that’s the last part of the Mookie Benny JD 1-3 (sometimes 4) rotation. Mookie gets a hit, steals second, Benintendi gets on, and JD hits them both home. Not only is that a consistent spinning wheel, but we did it against the best pitcher in Baseball and childhood center to Matt Stafford, Clayton Kershaw. The Dodgers are stacked all across the board, a reason I think the bullpens win or lose this October Classic. You don’t go to back to back World Series’ without having a next level lineup and both these teams do.

Kershaw looks like he hated football

Managing and match ups are going to continue to be a huge story of this Postseason. Alex Cora had Devers batting, Dodgers make a pitching change, Cora puts in Nunez to pinch hit for Devers, and all of a sudden Game 1 is over with a Nunez three run homer. The chess match between Roberts and Cora is just another great story on top of the big bats in this Boston vs LA series. Game 2 is a big game for the Dodgers but the Red Sox are ROLLING right now.

And the bullpen of the Dodgers in Game 2 is the story once again. I wrote the game 1 review and synopsis above before game 2 and the omen was the opposite of ominous. Ryu loaded up the bases which is why the bullpen ERA isn’t as high as it should be through two games (still sits at 3.68 with the Sox at 1.19) Madson comes in with the bases juiced, walks a guy home then gives up a two run single to JD. In the words of Ty Schmit, “thats the difference between a world series team, and a loser.” 

Joe Kelly, Nathan Eovaldi, and Craig Kimbrel all went 1,2,3 in the 7th 8th and 9th. It was a pitching duel for sure, no runs being scored after the fifth inning, but god it was something to see Joe Kelly throw the rock that way. He is LOCKED in right now and watching him pitch has been an absolute honor thus far. When the stakes are highest, Joe Kelly brings his hard hat and lunch pail to that mound. Price was the guy in game 2 with a strong 6 innings only giving up 2 runs. He, and most of the team, are in a zone that will carry us to the finish line. Count on price with a big relief inning going forward as we look to tie the bow on this present of a series. Sox up 2-0, 2 more and the trophy is ours. We steal one away and finish it in 6, anything else would be fine too.


PMS 2.0 016 – Wheeler Walker Jr., A Call From Canada, & Life

On today’s show, Pat looks ahead to the Black Friday sale that Pat McAfee Inc. will be holding among some other announcements. Also calling into the show is everyone’s favorite Canadian, Gumpy. The guys chat with Gump about what he’s been doing since they’ve been off the airwaves, how his job has been going, what it’s been like with marijuana being legalized in Canada, and how some of his sports teams have been doing (4:03-25:45). The guys also chat about the World Series, react to some of Jon Gruden’s recent comments regarding Amari Cooper, and look ahead to Thursday Night Football. To close the show, country superstar and hilarious human Wheeler Walker Jr. joins the show to chat about his upcoming album WWIII, he gives some more of his thoughts on Yodel Boy, plays a couple of cuts off his new album, talks about his feud with Garth Brooks, and discusses his marketing strategy for the new album (48:40-1:17:21). It’s a fun one. Come and laugh with us, cheers.

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The Titanic II To Set Sail In 2020 From Dubai To New York City

Initially, I wouldn’t touch this ship with a fifty foot pole. Getting on a boat named after the most famous shipwreck in boater(?) history is something that most people would swiftly turn down. However, my sails have shifted in my thought process around this replica of the Titanic. I am now, officially, fully on board with this remake and will be trying to get aboard the ship below for the maiden voyage from Dubai to New York.

Float like a butterfly, sting like an iceberg. 

“Titanic II will apparently be outfitted with plenty of life boats — and will have a welded, not riveted hull — plus modern navigation and radar equipment.” I don’t know the difference between a welded and a riveted hull, but I do know a lot of things have changed since 1908. We’re not dealing with the same dumpster fire that set sail 10 days before Fenway Park opened. It’s the 21st century, this mother fucker has radar and navigation, chunks of ice aren’t going to be popping up in the middle of nowhere and taking down this vessel. Did the ship in 1912 have wifi? Did that ship have people who could film the entire ship sinking for an electric snap story? To answer both questions — no.

Super Wifi saves the day.

In a perfect world, I’d have the 100,000 dollars that it cost’s to get onto Titanic II. But in this imperfect place that allows the Giants to cover on Monday Night Football, I know the likelihood of me attending this Dubai to New York trip will only be possible if I’m wearing an apron and cleaning cabins on the ship the entire time. It’s worst case scenario but there will 100% be jobs open due to the “save the passengers” mentality that sinking ships have. Either way, my long term goal is to get to Dubai and get on that ship. If it sinks, then you’ll know I died happily thinking of this Leo gif.

Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 14 – Memes Make You Fat

On today’s show, the guys go on a couple of major tangents while discussing what they did over the weekend, spider webs that are taking over Greece, the European Parliament trying to ban memes because they think they are making kids fat, a Canadian rapper who passed away while filming airplane stunts for a music video, Pat tries to figure out how to fix the airport system, and the guys chat about who some of their most overrated actors and actresses are. Todd also wants to know if the guys could create a documentary based on anyone living or dead, who they would choose, they play a little fact or fiction, give out a couple of their vitamin thoughts and answer some more listener questions.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeshow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @VivalaZito, and @evanfoxy, and closes out with the Toby Keith song, “I’ll Never Smoke Weed Again.”

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PMS 2.0 015 – Grandpa McAfee, NFL Recap, & Aliens

On today’s show, Pat recaps a wild weekend dressing up as a grandpa and hammering field goals for cancer research at the Colts game, the guys dive into a full NFL recap including Hue Jackson wanting to call plays for the Browns again, Amari Cooper being traded to the Cowboys for a 1st round pick, the Titans going for 2 and the win in London, the judgement call that affected the outcome of the Cowboys and Redskins, and Justin Tucker missing his first career extra point. Pat also rants about the CFL’s post about who they think the best kicker on the planet is, the guys chat about Elon Musk definitely being an alien and his series of tunnels slated to open in LA in December, discuss Rae Carruth being released from prison, and cover everything else going on in the world. It’s a good one. Come laugh with us, cheers.



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There’s A Headless Chicken Monster In The Ocean Now And Soon Sharks Will Be Extinct

I can’t tell if I want a headless chicken monster as a pet yet but its stock is rising with every passing second. This thing looks like it has unlimited arms that pop out of its skin whenever he may need a hand. If these creatures could be domesticated then the headless chicken monster would be the premier baby diaper changer in the entire world. The video says its a type of swimming sea cucumber but last time I checked cucumbers don’t grow arms.

This is the reason cameras should never be able to touch the ocean floor. At a certain point, were gonna come across the king of the headless chicken monster’s and its going to be a Jimmy Neutron chicken situation. I imagine if Robin Williams ever made a sequel to Flubber it would have this headless chicken monster as the villain, probably a spinoff series on its own depending on sales. This video wouldn’t be allowed on reddit if we were able to see the headless chicken monster during his feeding process. I assume he is as much of a nightmare for other fish as he is going to be for me when I pretend I’m in the ocean during my Monday bath. Worst case scenario is the headless chicken monster grows a head and it leads to them being able to walk on land. Also the best case scenario because then chicken monster fighting will be a premier animal fighting sport in the world.

Which Fictional Quarterback Is The Most Elite?

We’re balls deep in the NFL season right now, and at this point, the quarterback play has been pretty mediocre to say the least. Sure, guys like Rodgers, Brady, Mahomes, and Brees have been firing on all cylinders, but everywhere else you look around the league you’ll see a lot of guys who are trash leading their teams into battle. Quarterbacks are clearly a dime-a-dozen, and there are several teams who are a quarterback away from making a legitimate playoff run. 

All this discussion of who is and who isn’t elite has got me thinking about which fictional quarterback could come into the league and immediately be thrown into the elite conversation, so let’s do a deep dive on that. Obviously guys like Sunshine Ronnie Bass and Mike Winchell are ineligible, but I don’t know if either of those guys would sniff this list. I considered things like physical talent, toughness, football IQ, leadership ability, and intangibles.

Shane “Footsteps” Falco

Falco was an elite talent at Ohio State, a first team All-American until the wheels fell off the bus in the ’96 Sugar Bowl. After flaming out in the league due to circumstances he couldn’t control (according to Coach Jimmy McGinty, he “should’ve been holding a clipboard that first year, not carrying the whole team”), Falco resorted to scraping shit off the the side of people’s toys (scrubbing house boats). Falco’s probably got the best arm talent of any guy on this list. There’s a scene at the start of the movie where he launches a gold football underwater with so much juice I’m positive it could’ve sank a Navy warship. During games, Falco also has a penchant for throwing bombs and avoiding his check down’s. But where Falco really shines is with his leadership and intangibles. He’d love to say something classy and inspirational, but that was never his style.

If there is one thing that Falco has that some of these other guys don’t, it’s heart… miles and miles of heart. He does however, lose points for only playing in four games, and for losing his starting spot, albeit briefly, to big swinging dick Eddie Martel. But he does sneak the Sentinels into the back door of the playoffs, and looks like he could’ve been on his way to a career renaissance a la Kurt Warner. Winner’s want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line, and Falco always did. 

Final Consensus: I don’t think you can call Falco elite because the body of work isn’t there, but it’s entirely possible he and Jimmy McGinty were about to embark on a Brady/Belichick type of run, fisting defenses and sucking souls from cities. Guess we’ll never know. Also, Falco banging the head cheerleader scores him major points.

Joe Kane

The preseason Heisman favorite of Sports Illustrated, Joe Kane was essentially Ryan Leaf before Ryan Leaf was. An absolute terror on the field, but more of a terror off the field. it’s no secret that Joe Kane was fond of sucking down a twelver and riding his motorcycle like he was fucking Evil Knievel. His Heisman hopes pretty much went up in smoke when he had to enter rehab midseason to avoid a DUI. Mel Kiper would probably say that he had several “character issues,” but he was a helluva player when he laced them up. Undoubtedly the toughest sonofabitch on this list, his physical toughness was unmatched, with decent arm talent.

It appears his offensive line was ass and he was getting flushed out of the pocket a lot, but was always cerebral enough to avoid taking a sack. His teammates loved him, and his demeanor in the huddle is exactly what you want out of a quarterback. Without the speech below, ESU doesn’t make a New Year’s Day Bowl, simple as that.

If that doesn’t give you chills, I don’t think you have a pulse. Something else to consider: Joe Kane was a redshirt Junior, he had another year! If he could stay away from grandpa’s cough syrup, there’s a good possibility he wins a Heisman, a National Championship, and is a first round pick.

Final Consensus: Hard to be considered elite when you’d rather suck down Molson’s than read the playbook, but Kane had a legitimate shot to go on and become an elite quarterback.

“Steamin'” Willie Beamen

The only dual threat guy on here, Beamen is by far the best athlete. He kind of popped out of nowhere starting the season as the Miami Sharks third string quarterback behind incumbent Jack “Cap” Rooney who essentially was the reincarnation of Jake Delhomme the year he played in Cleveland, which is say he isn’t any fucking good. After getting the nod from the most overrated coach of all-time, Tony D’Amato, Beamen saves what was inevitably turning into a dumpster fire type season. Electric on the field and in the studio, Beamen will always take heat for being a pretty shitty teammate, but a lot of that blame can be placed at the feet of D’Amato who intended on playing a quarterback with full blown CTE, and kind of shit on Beamen every chance he got, until he realized Beamen was the only one who could save his ass from getting whacked by Christina Pagniacci. Through Beamen’s play, the Sharks make the playoffs, and everything is going well for the newly christened starting QB until he decides to throw his teammates under the bus.

How elite you perceive Beamen lies solely in how good of a football player he was, because he was a dogshit teammate throughout pretty much the entire movie. A half assed apology towards the end of the film seems to get everyone on his side, but that’s horseshit, the offense hated him and so did the defense. But how many players were making plays like this:

FINAL CONSENSUS: Not elite. Although he was getting the chance to be the quarterback of the new expansion team in New Mexico, he was lugging D’Amato’s washed up ass with him. D’Amato would’ve been fired after probably one season, leaving someone else to deal with Beamen’s shit. Tony D’Amato wasted Willie Beamen’s potential.

Jonathan “Mox” Moxon

Let’s end this before it starts. In no universe is Mox an elite quarterback. not a chance in hell. He just wasn’t a football guy. I get why Bud Kilmer couldn’t stand his ass. You’re the backup quarterback and you’re on the bench reading Slaughterhouse-Five? He’s lucky Kilmer didn’t rip his throat out, and I’m actually kind of surprised he didn’t. Mox is smart, he’s got that going for him, and he probably could’ve ended up being the all-time passing leader at Brown, but very few people give a shit about Ivy League Football if your name isn’t Ryan Fitzmagic. It’s a good thing he didn’t want that life, because he didn’t have a shot in hell at obtaining it.

Johnny Utah

Not an elite quarterback, but definitely an elite F-B-EYE agent.

Played in the Rose Bowl, and he’s also about as fearless as they come. It takes a rare breed of human to jump out of an airplane without a parachute with nothing more than a “fuck it.” We don’t know much about Utah’s playing career, but he definitely would’ve been able to command a locker room. Bonus points for having the smoothest play action fake of all-time.

Josh Framm

Another guy who definitely isn’t elite. He was a decent athlete but was in for a rude awakening when he got to high school. Once coaches and players started using press coverage and jamming the shit out of Buddy, he was done for. When a dog is your best skill position player, you’re fucked. Also, can dogs get CTE? Because Buddy was strappin’ up in that leather helmet and was taking some high impact hits.

Josh Framm may have been the straw that stirs the drink, but you take away Buddy, and he’s trash.

Bo Callahan

He gets a bad rap, but he was going into a great situation. I don’t think talent was ever his issue, although a quarterback from Wisconsin winning the Heisman seems far fetched. Bo Callahan got shit on for being a horse’s ass. Sonny Weaver Jr., one of the greatest football minds of the last 100 years, really took Callahan behind the woodshed and helped plummet his draft stock. Guy doesn’t read his playbook, none of his friends come to his birthday party, teammates think he’s an asswipe, the list goes on and on. But, I’d still rather have Bo Callahan over Russell Wilson any day of the week. Alas, if Sonny Weaver Jr. doesn’t think you’re elite, you’re not elite. Period.

Paul “Wrecking” Crewe

Talking about the remake here, played by elite athlete Adam Sandler. Former Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, who happened to do a little point shaving that got him thrown out of the league. Interesting because that’s definitely not the worst thing a Steelers quarterback has been accused of doing (allegedly), but I digress. While being described as a natural athlete, Crewe’s defining trait has to be his toughness. Dude was getting the absolute shit beat out of him all the time by guys like Stone Cold, Kevin Nash, Bill Romanowski, and The Boz. Judging by some of the fat slobs that Crewe had on his offensive line, I think it’s safe to assume he was taking some massive blindside hits. Suffice to say, a guy who survived an assassination attempt via toilet bomb has no problem getting up off the turf after getting destroyed.

One thing that probably gets overlooked is that Crewe was essentially the Offensive Coordinator as well. He basically diagrammed the entire playbook, and was very adept at resorting to school yard bullshit if the situation dictated it. The clip below is what Paul Crewe is all about; toughness, grit, and athleticism personified:

FINAL CONSENSUS: Guy is elite. Sure he had more talent around him than a lot of these quarterbacks, but he had to let Michael Irvin knock a couple of his teeth down his throat and treat him like a punk to get said talent. And who’s to say that he wasn’t a fucking stud in the NFL? Pete Rose was pretty good when they ran his ass out of baseball. Same thing applies here.

Who did I miss?

70 Year-Old Man Bombs Kicks For $70,000 At Colts Game

On Sunday at Lucas Oil Stadium, the Indianapolis Colts decided to bring a 70 year-old man onto the field to see if he could hit a couple of field goals to raise some money for cancer research.

But wait a minute, that’s not an old man. BAH GAWD that’s Pat McAfee’s music, what the hell is he doing out here?!