We’ve Created The Greatest Game Of All-Time: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf)

Here at PMI, we like to keep the competitive juices flowing as much as possible. In an office full of degenerates, you’re always trying to come up with some sort of game or challenge where you can take a couple of bucks off someone at any point during the day. Whether it’s shooting jumpers, slapping hockey balls into the top shelf, it doesn’t really matter, if it could possibly be done in this space, we’ve probably done it. “You could call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamilton’s,” is a pretty apt characterization for this office on any given day.

Last Thursday on Pat’s show, Gorms tossed out the idea of Pat playing in the 2020 Pebble Beach Pro-Am (he’s got a guy), and Pat responded that he would only do it if he could get good enough to make the cut and make a run at the title. So, that’s the new goal. Get Pat ready to potentially win the Pebble Beach Pro-Am.

It started simple enough. Everyone who wants some action throws down 10 or 20 bucks, and tries to chip it from the bar area into the enclave next to the basketball hoop. No easy task, there are some wild angulations in the basketball court, you never truly know which way the ball is going to break, and for some (myself, Connor) you may not have your preferred club handedness (Connor surprisingly is much better chipping left handed with a right handed blade).

Pat won the first few rounds of the enclave challenge with a couple beautiful kisses from the wedge, but after a couple rounds of that, people started getting Tiger vision and locking in on the correct path and swing plane necessary to land it right in the center of the enclave.

From the ashes of the enclave challenge comes arguably the best office game ever created: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf). The premise is pretty simple. One McAfee Block Party piece is set at a predetermined location around the office (limited quantities still available at store.patmcafeeshow.com). A small turf slab is placed approximately 20-30 yards away from said Block Party piece as the tee box. Whoever hits the block with their chip, chunk, or flop takes the cash.

May seem easy enough, but I assure you, this isn’t some par 3 on your local run. Take a little look at the green there and tell me if you can get a read on it. This game takes a combination of grit, vision, intelligence, mental toughness, and skill. It’s pretty evident that a lot of money is going to change hands with this game in the coming months. Pat has a history of dialing in chips with laser focus, and fisting everyone who has illusions of grandeur when it comes to padding the wallet in D.O.G. Gorms is a slimy bastard and has been playing some excellent D.O.G. shots as of late. Nick was fucking locked in yesterday, pin-seeking all day long. Evan was raised on golf course. Connor is more than willing to lose money anytime some utters the word bet. Todd will blade the absolute shit out of one in one round, and come back and miss the block by a half-an-inch the next round. It’s a nice little league we’ve got going. Here is some sample footage from yesterday to whet the appetite.

https://twitter.com/BostonConnr/status/1082389564206002177

Look for this game to expand in the coming weeks/months until we have a fully functional circuit. There’s still a few kinks to be worked out, some rules to be added, some obstacles to be installed; but it’s got the bare bones of everything you need to stay occupied in the office. Cash, clubs, chirping. Can’t ask for much more than that. The amount of money that has been gambled on D.O.G. so far could probably keep the lights in this place on for the next couple of months.. and it doesn’t seem to be running out of steam anytime. Gold jacket, green jacket.. who gives a shit.. we’re in this thing to make a couple bucks.

@tyschmit

Nun Ya Business

WGN News – Two nuns who worked for decades at a Catholic school in California embezzled at least $500,000, over 10-year period, from tuition and other funds and used it to pay for gambling trips to Las Vegas, church officials said Monday.

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These nuns party.  Like, it’s wrong to steal.  Especially if you’re a woman of the cloth.  But you have to admit, if you were trapped in an elevator with a couple of nuns…these the nuns ya want!  Everyone is bashing these 2 ladies for taking money from a school to go party in Vegas?!  Hypocrites!  All of you!  Every single one of you laughed your ass off when Bradley Cooper did it in The Hangover!  These sisters had the gut sacks to do it for real!

https://giphy.com/gifs/bradley-cooper-the-hangover-its-friday-13eQSAOGS4T076

Plus, in the grand scheme of crimes the Catholic Church needs to be worried about…this is a parking ticket!  Slap them on the wrist, tell them they can’t handle money anymore and make them janitors.  “We’re letting you stay at the school but from now on your janitor nuns.  We don’t want to see you in the office unless it’s to empty the paper shredder.”  I always assume schools administrated by the Catholic Church do a lot of shredding.

Don’t be too hard on these ladies.  They sacrifice a lot in their service to God and for very little pay.  They deserve to let loose every now and again.  We’re talking about the misappropriation of about $50K a year.  That should be about one teacher’s salary but I guarantee you this Catholic-ran school shells that out for 2 teachers!  Paying teachers half the salary of public school teachers…that’s the real crime!  Maybe someone should investigate that!

Follow @toddmccomas

He’s Catholic

It’s Snowing Money in Jersey

Would you risk getting hit by a car to grab some free cash floating around on the highway? 

https://giphy.com/gifs/reactionseditor-dale-step-brothers-3oeSAD00YsGzUPTmqA

An “accident” on a New Jersey highway had a car collide with the back end of a Brinks truck, causing some loose cash to go blowing about in the wind. A number of people jumped out of their cars and scrambled to gather what they could like the poor Jersey peasants they are. 

First of all rear ending a Brinks truck right before Christmas in NJ seems like the least likely accident of all time. “Ah the roads are a little slick I can’t stop oh no! I’m sliding right into this truck full of hundreds of thousands of dollars!” VERY CONVENIENT!

One lady who filmed the aftermath was not having any of it.

https://twitter.com/NickAmadorTV/status/1073236154709934080

She appears quite shocked that people would actually exit their vehicle on a highway with traffic at a stand still no less! Simply to pick up bills just blowing in the breeze. Lady it’s Christmas, times are tight, these people probably haven’t seen sunlight in 38 days and counting, they live in Jersey, things aren’t great, of course they’re going to gobble this money up like Lena Dunham at an all you can eat seafood buffet. 

Congrats to all those lucky bastards who actually got rewarded for sitting in traffic today. Spend it wisely…

https://giphy.com/gifs/season-8-the-simpsons-8×13-3orieUwOvGgfNshJa8

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The Fading Canadian Dollar

Our dollar is fading and fading fast. Close to 74 cents this morning to the american dollar. Their saying that its only going to continue to drop more and more with possibilities of it going as low as 70 cents.

https://twitter.com/globeinvestor/status/1072511079039799297

With oil prices dropping you would think we would have the luxury of cheap gas as well, guess again still at 1.28 a litre. When compared to what you guys are paying in the States that is 3.40 a gallon and don’t even get me started on chew thank god for black buffalo or I’d be broke. 

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The low dollar does have its one plus side for me though so i shouldn’t complain too much. With our dollar being so low it definitely keeps the Shipyard busier. When American Ships can be done by us while their dollar is worth 1.25 to our 1.00 that is the one good thing for me. As Canadians we will continue to get rinsed on everything and not make much of a stink about it because that would just be ya know mean, and thats not us. 

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Hopefully eventually it will start to head in the other direction but for now its not looking too promising. Good to be back blogging and sharing my thoughts with y’all.

Follow along Twitter @GumpSox10

Pink Eye… Not Only From Butt Stuff, Who Knew?

Both of my eyes are blood red currently, like I was hitting the dankest bud all night, dabs, bongs, fat ass J’s… Nope. So red, like the Devil himself returned to Earth and skull fucked me in each eye socket with the passion of million burning suns… Nope, turns out it’s just Pink Eye. Fucking Pink Eye. Actually, “Conjunctivitis” for you uncultured swine. 

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But Nick, how in the hell did you get Pink Eye? Great question… I found myself asking… myself, the very same thing on Sunday. My vast medical knowledge lead me to believe you could only be afflicted by this disease from Poo particles coming in contact with your eyeballs.

My entire weekend was spent moving, packing and unpacking (no, not buts, my house). There was no ass eating (Sorry Zito’s mom, the move took a while) and no bare ass pillow farting (Unless Ty got me good while I wasn’t aware). I kept my face away from all aspects of sex, genitalia, and buts all weekend, strictly business. It was a challenge, I don’t know how Foxy manages to do it every single weekend.

After some careful research I found out there are multiple forms and multiple ways to come in contact with conjunctivitis. According to the old faithful WebMD:

Several things could be to blame, including:

  • Viruses, including the kind that causes the common cold
  • Bacteria
  • Irritants such as shampoos, dirt, smoke, and pool chlorine
  • A reaction to eyedrops
  • An allergic reaction to things like pollen, dust, or smoke. Or it could be due to a special type of allergy that affects some people who wear contact lenses.
  • Fungi, amoebas, and parasites

Conjunctivitis sometimes results from a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Gonorrhea can bring on a rare but dangerous form of bacterial conjunctivitis. It can lead to vision loss if you don’t treat it.

Yikes… After consulting a Medical Professional I was informed that it is likely a viral infection as it started in one eye and quickly spread to the other. Turns out you can just… get it. You don’t have to get poop in your eye, you can just get sick and have your eyes turn red as fuck and be itchy without relief. 

I’m not settling for that though because I know there is a higher power at play here. A few weeks back I was in a real bad spot with my gambling. Couldn’t even sniff a win. In the Take A Shot segment on the Heartland Radio 2.0 pod I made a sacrifice to the gambling gods to turn things around. Well seems like they listened as my record in the past 30 days has been a complete turn around (shoutout MyBookie.AG promo code: PAT). HOWEVA, it came with quite a price, first they took my perfectly crafted clavicle and the use of my right arm from me. (Broke my collarbone and now Pink Eye, yes I am 12 years old)

Shoutout SportsAction App https://www.actionnetwork.com/

They weren’t finished there though, you want to keep this thing rolling? “Never walk away from a heater”

Gambling gods, probably

“HA, TAKE HIS EYES, TAKE HIS FUCKING EYES AND FILL THEM WITH CRIMSON, LET THEM RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF FOOLS WHO HAVE FORSAKEN US IN THE PAST!! MAKE HIM SUFFER, MAKE THEM SHITTY AND RED AND ITCHY AND MISERABLE. THAT’LL TEACH YOU TO FUCK WITH US YOU SORRY SACK OF SHIT!!”

Got ’em

Now here I sit. Exiled from the office for fear of infecting my colleagues with this virus. I’m currently quarantined in my apartment bathing in hand sanitizer and spraying enough disinfectant to cause a violation of the Geneva Convention. I’m burning candles all around like the ancient kings and emperors of the old world trying to cleanse themselves of the plague. 

Working from home at my old job used to be a real treat. Kick back, wear whatever you want, throw a movie on, work away and enjoy the seclusion. Now, it’s a different story when you get to go to work in a fantasy factory with your friends everyday. It feels very much more like serving out a sentence than it does working remotely. I’m out of the loop. I’m going to miss all the good inside jokes. What magical ideas does Pat have spewing out of his brain this week? What dumbfounding concoction of words can Zito put together that you can only shake your head at? What kind of lies can Digs tell everyone that I actually know the truth to and will never tell? Did Foxy get laid this weekend? Hahahah I almost couldn’t even finish typing that out.

Oh well, at least I’m rolling around in piles of cash from MyBookie that is now definitely infected and will be sent back out into the world to infect some other down on his luck sucker! 

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Millionaire Gives Away Massive Amount Of Cash

When I chose to leave Barstool, there were a TON of question marks regarding whether or not sponsors would follow me or not. “Would businesses still want to sell their incredible shit with us?” was asked quite a few times in the hours surrounding my decision.. We didn’t have to wait long to find out the answer.. The next morning, I was taking my morning grumpy.. The world was one big question mark at this point. What would happen next? Not only for me, by my friends who quit their jobs to join me in Indianapolis as well.. And just when the vitamin thoughts were about to start spinning in a slightly negative fashion.. BAM.. Optimism showed up.. I received a call from the marketing folks for MyBookie.ag. They told me they’d give me whatever I need to keep the business moving forward. We chit chatted back and forth and landed on a budget. I told them thank you for doing that, it meant a lot and all they asked was please get folks to gamble on our site, and that’ll be how you repay us.

So.. we launched a series called #BeatPatMcAfee. I had this idea that we should gamble on everything. In the locker room, I’ve seen $20,000 Gatorade bottle trash shots made AND MISSED.. it always brought an electric feel to the locker room. When 20 racks are on the line for a 35 foot trash can “KOBE”.. the whole room would stop and pay attention. I took that thought and combined it with a sports book.. Each week they have me doing different challenges. From draining NBA 3’s to the kid’s game “Perfection,” I try to win folks money.. Today’s challenge was bowling. I am not a bowler. A lot of professional athletes are. I never was.. MyBookie.ag set Over/Under bets at 100 pins, 120, and 130 pins.. A double (two strikes in a row) and a turkey (three strikes in a row) betting line.. a fastest MPH bet.. and a prop bet on whether or not @Digz could chug a bottle of Bud Light in an eternity.. I’m just here to set us all up to be wealthy.. Cheers.

https://twitter.com/PatMcAfeeShow/status/1060578138764333056

Sign up for easy money NOW at MyBookie.ag,, Use promo code “PAT” to get a 50% bonus on your first deposit. Imma keep winning for us. Let’s get rich.

PS.. I thought $20,000 on a Gatorade bottle trash shot was wild… there was over $50,000 gambled on me bowling this morning..

A great thing to spend your winnings on is the shirt I’m wearing in this video ~>

https://store.patmcafeeshow.com/products/t-shirt-goatvinny-1

The NHL is Following the NBA’s Lead…

The NBA is easily one of the most innovative and progressive professional sports leagues in the world. The NHL and Gary Bettman have wisely decided to stop always playing little brother to the other major leagues in America and get ahead of the curve in some respects, agreeing to partner with MGM after the recent rulings from the U.S. Supreme Court on sports betting. 

The NBA capitalized on the opportunity and partnered with MGM announcing a multiyear deal with MGM in July. 

https://twitter.com/frank_seravalli/status/1056924708464136193

While the NHL or it’s teams are not getting a cut of any of the profits made from gambling (That would be bad folks… Though very interested to see how the MLB handles things with Pete Rose when they inevitably open their arms to the book makers). It’s not hard to see the potential benefits this brings the league in terms of notoriety and the ability to profit through other avenues.

Eventually fans in other cities can experience the perks of what a Vegas Golden Knight fan already has… Walk into a sports book (or your own arena even), place a bet, then watch the team fulfill all your wildest hopes, dreams, and financial desires right up until the last moment and eventually deliver a soul crushing sadness that you’ll never be able to truly process because they were never really supposed to be that close… So you got invested… But they were that close? So they deserved to be… Right? But did they? I mean really? I still have no fucking clue. I DO know I want to be able to blow a paycheck on an 5.5 goal O/u parlayed with several puck line’s against teams playing on back to back nights!

Not lot of people gamble on hockey currently, shocking I know. I was actually informed many more people bet on episodes of “Beat Pat McAfee” sponsored by MyBookie.AG (Promo Code: PAT) than any individual hockey game. This is a game changer however. Allowing the ability for digital and in person bets in the arena (which will come in time, make no doubt) and the constant promotion of betting will increase the casual fans interest to a level the rest of us degenerates have come to know and love.

The trickle down effect on how this changes the actual sport remains to be seen and we can only speculate. Will this loosen up the NHL’s often tight lipped injury policy even more? Will the rule makers finally embrace the player’s offensive skill sets and take more effort to protect their stars (No, not JUST Sid).  It’s hard not to get excited about the potential and possibilities, but not everyone is a fan… 

https://twitter.com/CarBombBoom13/status/1056929531506974722

You can’t please everyone, but with the NHL having victories come so few and far between this seems like a step in the right direction for keeping the game relevant in a national audience’s eyes and modernizing the league. 

Let’s hear your thoughts below… Do you like this move? Do you love it? Do you care at all? What is this “Hoc-Key” you speak of?

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Degenerate Digs’ Saturday CFB Picks – 9/26

Im not here to just give you winners, I’m here to tell you why they are winners so that you can decide if you want to roll with the Parlay King or not. 

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I’ve got 5 Picks for you on this beautiful Saturday with a loaded slate. Lets get into it.

  1. & 2. Arizona St +3.5 @ USC, O/U 52

Being fully transparent I loved this game on Thursday when I put my college bets in and the line was USC -7 and the total was 54.5. I took ARIZONA ST +7 and the Under 54.5

Now here on Saturday the line has moved a full 3.5 points on the spread and 2.5 points on the total with speculation that USC will have to play with their 3rd sting QB. I still like Arizona St & the Under for that reason exactly. Arizona State’s defense is only giving up 21 PPG this year and I like their chances against a 3rd string QB. Not to mention on offense they have N’Keal Harry who can do things like this at anytime

https://twitter.com/CBSSports/status/946858511870279681

3. Florida +7 vs Georgia, O/U 52

An SEC top 10 rivalry game at a neutral field and the spread is a full touchdown even though Florida beat LSU two games ago and Georgia lost to LSU by 20 last game.  I know you can’t bet off of just that but these rivalry games always seem to be close and 7 points is wayyyy too many to give the Gators. Not to mention that Georgia has only 2 wins against teams that have winning records, Middle Tennessee St & Mizzou, both teams being 4-3. Give me the Gators +7.

https://giphy.com/gifs/secnetwork-college-football-xT9IgDIinOz0U4m8bC

4. Miss St vs Texas A&M +1, O/U 43.5

Last week Miss St was getting their heads kicked in by LSU. Last week Texas A&M was resting on their bye week preparing for Miss St. What was Texas A&M preparing for??? It sure as hell wasn’t Mississippi State’s passing game. Miss St QB Nick Fitzgerald has thrown for 59, 69, & 98 yards the last 3 games, so basically Texas A&M can treat them as strictly a running team. Texas A&M is giving up 78 yards per game on the ground. This is a full hammer Texas A&M +1 situation. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/92eXpT5lrfq5a

5. Oregon -10 @ Arizona, O/U 65.5

Let’s not overthink this one. Arizona stinks, they are not good at all. Oregon is good and needs a big bounce back win.  That’s all there is to this one. Good Oregon > Bad Arizona. Lay the -10 with the Ducks.

https://giphy.com/gifs/espn-oregon-eugene-duck-5q2b9JI7zEki9xJLIJ

Good Luck to Everyone. Bet at MyBookie.ag and follow those bets on the Sports Action App.  Follow my picks at myaction.app/Digs

Follow @Digz