JuJu Is A Treasure And Should Be Treated As Such

https://twitter.com/TeamJuJu/status/1057839785052520448

Yup that is Steelers WR JuJu Smith-Schuster on Halloween dressed in full Steelers uniform handing out candy to cars at red lights and trick or treating with the neighborhood kids. JuJu’s gonna JuJu.

I love JuJu. He’s incredible. Best rookie WR in the history of the organization. He made play after play after play with incredible celebrations after each TD, FUCKING UP that piece of shit Vontaze Burfict, having his bicycle stolen, and turning down pornstars. Lets take a trip down memory lane.

https://twitter.com/nflpicksfitz/status/1002992272634535936
https://twitter.com/HighlightHub_/status/924839972338724864
https://twitter.com/LeadingNFL/status/914558577334919168
https://twitter.com/_TailgateSports/status/937901657777688576
https://twitter.com/SInow/status/927968919620423680

I couldn’t have loved him anymore after his Rookie season. Just a carefree kid who loved playing football and having fun. I even seeked him out at the Super Bowl party to let him know how much I loved him.

Then came a dark time in my life, the offseason. I become a different human in the offseason. I hate almost everything and everyone when there is no football on TV. That’s when things started to turn for me and Juju. I realize now that it’s not his fault. He was just having fun playing Fortnite with Drake, going to class in full uniform, and fucking with humans at country concerts, but I hated it. I was worried. I thought he was doing too much. FOCUS ON FOOTBALL! 

Shame on me. How dare I ever doubt what Juju could do. How dare I forget that Juju is 21 years old. He’s a Kid. How dare I want to rob him of having fun doing what he loves. I’m an asshole and an idiot. Now when I see Juju trick or treating in full uniform I just smile because I know when Sunday comes around he is still going to ball out no matter what he’s doing off the field. In Juju I trust. Hopefully he never changes. 

https://twitter.com/TeamJuJu/status/1055197193336803329
https://twitter.com/TeamJuJu/status/1023251316879945728
https://twitter.com/TeamJuJu/status/1051577411878367232
https://twitter.com/Steelersdepot/status/1056879315483164672

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

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PMS 2.0 018 – Wild Time To Be Alive.. ESPN Put Me On TV

On today’s show, Pat breaks down his trip to Bristol and the ESPN campus and his gig on Get Up, and what he thought of the whole process, and discusses some of the different locations he checked out while in New York. The guys also chat about Logan Paul potentially fighting in the UFC, Whitey Bulger being killed in prison, all the political ads that have been running the last few months, and take a hard look at what board game Pat could potentially be playing tomorrow for his mybookie challenge. Also included is a conversation about Reese’s setting up a trade-in machine for bad candy, and the guys do a deep dive into everything that happened up through the NFL trade deadline and what the impact has on all the teams involved. It’s a good one. Come and laugh with us, cheers.

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Woman Claims She Had Sex With A Ghost On An Airplane, Now They’re Getting Engaged!

Huffington Post – Amethyst Realm, 30, of Bristol, says she has had sex with at least 20 ghosts since she was a teenager but wasn’t looking for a new relationship when she went to Australia on a business trip.

However, she says that changed on a nature hike when she came into contact with an apparition and felt sparks like none she’s ever known.

Realm didn’t think it could amount to anything serious because she says spirits tend to stay in one place, but something amazing happened on her flight home: She felt the presence of her lover on the plane, and apparently not stowed in cargo.

“I couldn’t believe it. I was happy and excited — so excited that we had to do something about it. So we headed to the plane loo,” she told the Sun. “And, well, I am now a member of the Mile High Club.”

I’ve gone on record many times that I don’t necessarily believe in ghosts, think the whole thing is kind of a crap shoot. Spirits lingering out there, sure. But the idea that there are actual physical ghosts schmoozin’ with people is a little far fetched to me. I’d even go as far as saying I think it’s a huge crock of shit.

But, I can’t say I’m surprised that someone named Amethyst claims that she has had sex with twenty ghosts and now she’s found the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. 

Batshit crazy. As simple as that. I don’t hate the little marketing push she’s giving herself here. If you get the opportunity to tell your story on “This Morning with Eamonn & Ruth,” you don’t ask questions, you just accept.

I’m also not surprised that this is getting a lot of pub on Halloween, it might as well be this lady’s Super Bowl. Any time something Halloween related is mentioned, she can slip right in to her riveting story of getting piped out by more ghosts than actual humans, and how she now has a ghost who’s packing heat and is comfortable enough with himself to smash her in an airplane, talk about a wild “meet cute.” I don’t understand the science behind it, I don’t know how you can have sex with a ghost when it has no physical form, but I’m not familiar enough with the intricacies of paranormal coitus to dispute it.

I guess if she’s happy and “in love,” who am I to judge? I think she’s full of shit, but she’s spun this yarn so well that everyone from here to England seems to just be happy that she’s found love, even if it’s with something that definitely doesn’t exist. Nevertheless, whenever people talk to her, they’ll have one thing in mind, and one thing only.

Happy Halloween.

~@tyschmit

Halloween Candy Kings Stay Kings

On today’s episode of Heartland Radio we had a riveting debate about the best and worst Halloween candy. My opinion was clearly the right one when I stated Reese’s was king and this stunt only reinforces my stance. 

https://twitter.com/reeses/status/1057301440744620033

What a flex… Trade all those piles of shit candy you’re just going to toss in the trash anyways for that sweet chocolate and peanut butter gold? YES PLEASE. The only question I have here is what is the conversion rate? How many baggies of that crusty bland candle wax candy corn do I need to drive over and dumptruck into this machine to get 1 Reese’s pumpkin.

“Take all these stale popcorn balls, here is a butterscotch hard candy someone’s grandma gave me, oh and here take this vile concoction of Satan bag of black licorice… What does that get me? 2 Reese’s Pieces? DEAL, SOLD, HALLELUJAH!!

What’s your go to Halloween Candy and is there anything you wouldn’t trade for a Reese’s cup?

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Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 16 – Happy Halloween

On today’s show, the guys are in the Halloween spirit as they discuss Shaun White coming under fire for dressing as Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder, an Alabama woman having to have an emergency dental visit after getting her plastic vampire teeth infused into her real teeth, and break down MIT’s new experiment that allows people to control another person’s actions. They also break some more news from history live from the Salem Witch Trials, play fact or fiction, answer some listener questions, give some vitamin thoughts, and have an in depth discussion about their favorite and least favorite Halloween candies. It’s a great time, come join us, and have a safe Halloween.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @VivalaZito, @evanfoxy, and @baileymccomas

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PMS 2.0 017 – The Greatest Scorer In The History Of Scoring.. Adam Vinatieri

On today’s show, Pat starts by interviewing The GOAT, and now most prolific point scorer in NFL history, Adam Vinatieri. They chat about his mindset during the game against the Raiders, how he’s feeling coming off an injury against Buffalo, and he looks back on his career in an incredible interview (0:00-13:10). Then, Pat and the guys dive into their Halloween weekends, look back on last week in the NFL including Pat’s experience when playing in London, the players from the Jaguars who were arrested for not paying a $64,000 bar tab, whether or not the league or any team has suspended a player for HGH, Digs’ bad quarterbacks of the week, and Pat reacts to Todd Haley and Hue Jackson getting fired from his hotel room in Connecticut. They also chat about the Red Sox winning the World Series, and Pat talks about his upcoming meetings at ESPN this week. It’s a good one, come and laugh with us. Cheers.

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Pumpkin Smashing During The Day Isn’t As Smart As It Sounds

Pumpkin Smashing is one of the more fun things to do during the Halloween season. It’s more or less the grown up version of Booing, except usually the person receiving the smashing isn’t happy when they realize their pumpkins have been obliterated on their front walk way. I think it’s impossible to not respect this kid for putting it all on the line during the day on a Monday. What a balls to the wall type move with no regard for human life out of this kid. I bet he saw the neighbors mowing the lawn and gave them the bird as he ran up to smash the shit out of some toddlers pumpkins. 

“Leiszler said he won’t press charges or “publicly shame them by releasing their full names,” if he feels the “apology to be sincere” and that “they’ve learned their lesson.” He also asked social media to help him come up with a community service project.”

Why is it that anytime a kid smashes pumpkins or eggs a house, the guy who lives there is the strength and conditioning coach of the Chiefs (hardo) ? Anytime a parent says they wont do something “if he feels the apology to be sincere” then you know he drinks eggs for breakfast. “This has been happening year after year, and we are sick and tired of it.” I swear on helicopter parents that this is a direct quote from South Park. If this guy was a troll it would be the biggest 360 in the history of stories, but we know its not because of the sincere apology comment from Mr. Leiszler. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/harry-potter-ootp-umbridge-XfUB0oceZqbYc
Mrs. Leiszler

I love how these Fraternity brothers saw the old police badge and immediately confessed. You gotta stay strong there and deny till you die. Even with this video you wouldn’t be able to solidify which white kid in the crowd of 100 sitting at this frat did the crime. These guys got the sweats and probably made a call to the fraternity lawyer before deciding it was in their best interest to let this hero of a father give them the business. I’m guessing this wont be happening year after year anymore, but I hope they respond with a swift egging before they let this load of steroids get the last laugh.

https://giphy.com/gifs/seth-rogen-police-af5QQ06VW41cQ

@BostonConnr

I Hate Halloween

Every year I see other adults plan their Halloween costumes 2-3 months in advance with the same enthusiasm a young bride-to-be has when she shops for her first wedding dress.  They sit in their office cubicle scanning Amazon for ideas, they run those ideas by co-workers at lunch, they call their significant other to brainstorm how they can coordinate costumes as a couple…it’s a big fucking deal and I just don’t get it!

https://giphy.com/gifs/upset-look-the-big-lebowski-iAYupOdWXQy5a4nVGk/links

I see it every year and I am completely baffled each and every time.  The entire experience, and every emotion associated with it, could not be more foreign to me.  I’m well-liked so I get invited to the same costume parties they do and I truly want, more than anything, to feel the excitement and residual joy they get from preparing for it, but it’s simply not there.  I actually feel the opposite.  As soon as I get the invitation or I hear someone else in my circle mention they got it; which means it’s just a matter of time before I get it, I’m immediately overwhelmed with anxiety.  An anxiety that is easily traced back to my childhood.

https://giphy.com/gifs/week-stereogum-chris-young-ZObibY57Bmmje/links

So, when I was a kid, we were dirt poor.  My dad always had good jobs but we had a family tragedy that tapped us for several years.  Prioritization was a big thing when it came to spending money during this time and we were on a very tight budget.  I was very young so my priorities didn’t always synch up with my parents’ priorities.  Clothes and shoes were shockingly low on their priority scale.  So, I went to school every day in hand-me-downs from my cousins or donations from some clothing drive.  If I did get something new it came from some discount store that I’m sure has been the target of more than one of my standup bits.  Needless to say, I took a lot of shit from the other kids at school.  A LOT of shit.  The carry-over to today isn’t too bad.  I might have to change clothes 6 or 7 times every time I leave the house, which drives my girlfriend crazy, but other than that…the damage is manageable.

https://giphy.com/gifs/superman-smallville-lpHX4eLlTeUVO

If everyday clothes were that low on the family’s priority list, imagine how low the Halloween costume budget was.  These were clothes that would only be worn once!  Which meant there would be no money spent.  My costumes would be made by hand.  And not just any hand, my mom’s hand.  The least creative mind in the family.  Every Halloween I’d leave the house to join my friends for Trick or Treating knowing that I would be the butt of the joke for the rest of the night.  Like the year I had to go Trick or Treating as my dad after he was shot by a shrink ray.  Yeah, just me…wearing my dad’s work clothes.  The next year, my mom had picked up a part-time job which in my mind meant the Halloween budget was going up.  What it really meant was I went Trick or Treating as a McDonalds employee…that was shot by a shrink ray.

But the following year my mom surprised me and went all out.  This year I got to be a pirate!

I loved pirates!  I wasn’t just any pirate either.  I was Captain Fucking Hook!  The biggest fictional pirate of my childhood!  And when I say she went all out, she went all out!  She had somehow met a woman that made costumes for a local theater group and my mom traded babysitting hours for her to make me a Captain Hook costume.  And it was amazing!  The only thing we were missing was the hook.  Luckily for me, we lived on a farm so my mom took one of those hooks you use to throw hay bails with and made a little leather sleeve to cover my hand so you couldn’t see that I was holding the handle.  It was perfect!  I strutted out of my house to meet my friends for Trick or Treating with a confidence I had never felt before.  I even made fun of one of the other kids for his shitty costume.  I was on top of the world!  The only thing that made it better was one of my friend’s mom was driving us to a new neighborhood.  A neighborhood that was known to be the best candy-giving neighborhood in the area.  And I had the best costume!

We unloaded in the new neighborhood and all 7 of us lined up at the door of the first house.  I intentionally stood at the back of the line because I had the best costume.  I was the closer.  My friend Scotty rang the door bell, I straightened my vest and got my hook set just right, and the door opened.  A woman greeted us with a smile and we all yelled “Trick or Treat!”  Then her husband popped up from behind her to take a look for himself and my eyes went immediately to his prosthetic arm that had one of those grabber hooks at the end and I said to myself “God damn it.”  I slowly let go of the hook in my right hand as I shook it loose from my sleeve and let it fall gently into my candy bag, turned right around and walked my defeated little hookless ass back to the van.

https://giphy.com/gifs/disney-dog-no-3XiQswSmbjBiU

So, I guess when I say I hate Halloween I really mean that I hate having to dress up in costumes.  I like candy and shit but people put a lot of emphasis on the costume thing.  Which makes Halloween the one holiday I could do without.

@toddmccomas