I Have The Perfect Punishment For Giants QB Kyle Lauletta


SB NationRookie quarterback Kyle Lauletta will not be suspended by the New York Giants for his arrest last Tuesday in a traffic incident. He also will not be playing on Monday night when the Giants face the San Francisco 49ers on Monday Night Football. Eli Manning will continue to be the team’s starting quarterback. Coach Pat Shurmur said Monday that Lauletta would face “internal consequences” for his actions while running late for practice.

I’d like to focus on that “Internal Consequences” part. I have a perfect internal consequence that allows everyone to learn, grow, and win. 

You make Kyle Lauletta start the remainder of the season for the New York Giants. 

Some Random asshole – “But Digs, Starting for an NFL team is not a punishment” 

Ummmm it is when it’s the Giants and that O-Line. Eli has been sacked a league leading 31 times. Now some of that is on Eli because he’s a statue but that line is atrocious. Even after cutting Ereck Flowers. 


So yes, starting behind that line would be a punishment but it also serves a purpose. Eli is done, never to be good again. Watching him now, I can’t even imagine how he was good at any point. The decline is incredible. He doesn’t even have a neck fusion surgery to blame it on either. There is no future with Eli.

Starting Lauletta will at least give the Giants an idea or a glimpse into the future to see if they need to take a QB next year because they will be picking in the top 5 again. 

This is a WIN, WIN, WIN for everyone. (except Eli) Do the right thing Giants, do the right thing. 


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Introducing The Greatest Award In Football

Move over Lombardi, Heisman, Nagurski, Thorpe or any other football human that has an award named after them. There is officially a new king in the football awards community.  I introduce to you the Clausen, Tebow, Gabbert, Sanchez, Schaub, Osweiler, Leaf, Russell, Dilfer, Boller, Leinart, Weinke, Harrington, Carr, Couch, Peterman award. Each week I will be handing out this award to the QB that displayed an extreme proficiency in being terrible.


Here is how I got here. Sometimes I hate today’s NFL. It’s all about offense and scoring points which is fine and dandy but it’s sometimes frustrating to watch. There’s no more suspense, it’s basically just who has the ball last. For example, Tampa Bay scores with 1:05 left yesterday against the Bengals to tie the game and my first thought was 1:05 is WAY to much time left on the clock. That’s absurd for me to think that. There was a time when you were in big trouble if it was under 2 minutes and your QB wasn’t Brady, Manning, Brees, or one of the other top tier QB’s in the league. Now I’m like “Oh Fuck Dalton has a minute to score.” A minute being enough time for Andy Fucking Dalton is unbelievable. Obviously the Bengals went down and kicked the FG to win easily. 


So instead of continuing to be frustrated by everything I decided to embrace and Love bad QB play. It keeps me on the edge of my seat. You never know what one of these assholes is going to do. It’s Phenomenal. Pat’s brand is good kicking & punting and my brand is bad QB play. 

Now that you know why this award was created, here are the nominees for week 8:

  1. Blake Bortles: 24/41 for 286 Yards and a Touchdown. Not a terrible stat line but if you watched the game there is really only 3 plays the Jaguars can run. Blake throw crossing route, Blake miss throw to RB in flat, or Blake try to scramble and run. It really is a fun offense to watch.

2. Jameis Winston: 18/35 for 276 yards with 1 TD & 4 Int’s. Throwing 4 interceptions, getting benched, and your backup coming back from 17 down and metaphorically fucking your future is hilarious. Classic Fitzmagic. 


3. Eli Manning: 30/47 for 316 Yards with 1 TD & 2 Int’s. Eli might actually be the worst QB in the NFL right now. He moves in the pocket like the electronic football player that stays in one place and does nothing but spin in circles until it falls over for no reason at all.


Eli has to be the most scared human to ever play QB. The routine now is Drop back, stare at defensive line, sack or throw it up to avoid being hit for the 30th time of the game. I could watch these Eli Highlights all day!


4. Whoever starts for the Bills tonight

Vote Below in the comments on who you think should win this week.

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