I Think I’ve Solved The NFL’s Dildo Problem

https://twitter.com/NoraPrinciotti/status/1057092541047291904

The SUN: NFL fan arrested for ‘throwing SEX TOY onto field’ during Buffalo Bills game against New England Patriots live on TV

Michael Abdallah has been charged with disorderly conduct after the shock incident during the Monday Night Football clash

There’s a few things that Buffalo is good at during football season. Breaking tables, making chicken wings, and throwing Dildo’s during their one prime time game of the year. So when you take away putting people through table’s and ESPN has a Wing segment in Buffalo that is sponsored by Applebees, there’s only one thing left to do…. Launch Dildo’s onto the field.

https://twitter.com/RossTuckerNFL/status/1057083789002895361
https://twitter.com/SabresCutie/status/1057084614945189889

I get that you can’t have 20,000 eight inch rubber spears being thrown onto the field and potentially adding to the CTE problem the NFL has… thats understandable. However a few Dildo’s is just good fun and not something you should be arrested for as long as you hit the field and not another human. Trust me, not much worse than getting hit in the face with a dildo. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-l3vRd4Df4ZYPtaWmA

Solution to the Problem: The Bills scoreboard has a dildo counter so that everyone in the stands is aware of how many Dildo’s have been thrown onto the field so far. The stadium is allowed 1 dildo per quarter and said dildo cannot be thrown while a play is going on. If a second dildo is thrown during a quarter then said dildo thrower will be removed from the stadium and given a small fine. The same punishment will be handed down to any individual who throws a dildo that hits another human or doesn’t make it to the field…. we aren’t here to waste dildo’s, cause concussions, or lose eyes. 

With this proposal we still get to have fun but also make sure we don’t abuse our privileges. You’re Welcome. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/season-7-the-simpsons-7×2-l0G17sS7uRkH9hHWw

Please let me know if there are any other NFL issues that you would like me to solve.

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