Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 37 – Pat McAfee: Former Pauper

On today’s show, the guys give an update on the weight loss competition and discuss what the D.O.G. leaderboard is currently looking like, plus chat about The Situation preparing to go to jail on tax evasion charges, the Clemson football team being served McDonald’s at the White House by the President, and a woman in Texas being banned from her local Walmart for drinking wine out of a Pringles can and riding a scooter in the parking lot. Todd wants to know what name the guys would give themselves if they were assassins, and Gorms wants to know what everyone’s first impression of him was as the guys get a little introspective. They also play some Elvis related fact or fiction, answer a few listener questions including what they would do if they were a computer virus, and who they would choose if they could be any cartoon character. To close the show, the guys each give some vitamin thoughts. It’s a fun one, come and have a good time with us.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeShow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @HeyGorman, @VivalaZito, @evanfoxy, and closes with “Poor Man Blues,” by Zac Wilkerson

We’ve Created The Greatest Game Of All-Time: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf)

Here at PMI, we like to keep the competitive juices flowing as much as possible. In an office full of degenerates, you’re always trying to come up with some sort of game or challenge where you can take a couple of bucks off someone at any point during the day. Whether it’s shooting jumpers, slapping hockey balls into the top shelf, it doesn’t really matter, if it could possibly be done in this space, we’ve probably done it. “You could call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamilton’s,” is a pretty apt characterization for this office on any given day.

Last Thursday on Pat’s show, Gorms tossed out the idea of Pat playing in the 2020 Pebble Beach Pro-Am (he’s got a guy), and Pat responded that he would only do it if he could get good enough to make the cut and make a run at the title. So, that’s the new goal. Get Pat ready to potentially win the Pebble Beach Pro-Am.

It started simple enough. Everyone who wants some action throws down 10 or 20 bucks, and tries to chip it from the bar area into the enclave next to the basketball hoop. No easy task, there are some wild angulations in the basketball court, you never truly know which way the ball is going to break, and for some (myself, Connor) you may not have your preferred club handedness (Connor surprisingly is much better chipping left handed with a right handed blade).

Pat won the first few rounds of the enclave challenge with a couple beautiful kisses from the wedge, but after a couple rounds of that, people started getting Tiger vision and locking in on the correct path and swing plane necessary to land it right in the center of the enclave.

From the ashes of the enclave challenge comes arguably the best office game ever created: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf). The premise is pretty simple. One McAfee Block Party piece is set at a predetermined location around the office (limited quantities still available at store.patmcafeeshow.com). A small turf slab is placed approximately 20-30 yards away from said Block Party piece as the tee box. Whoever hits the block with their chip, chunk, or flop takes the cash.

May seem easy enough, but I assure you, this isn’t some par 3 on your local run. Take a little look at the green there and tell me if you can get a read on it. This game takes a combination of grit, vision, intelligence, mental toughness, and skill. It’s pretty evident that a lot of money is going to change hands with this game in the coming months. Pat has a history of dialing in chips with laser focus, and fisting everyone who has illusions of grandeur when it comes to padding the wallet in D.O.G. Gorms is a slimy bastard and has been playing some excellent D.O.G. shots as of late. Nick was fucking locked in yesterday, pin-seeking all day long. Evan was raised on golf course. Connor is more than willing to lose money anytime some utters the word bet. Todd will blade the absolute shit out of one in one round, and come back and miss the block by a half-an-inch the next round. It’s a nice little league we’ve got going. Here is some sample footage from yesterday to whet the appetite.

https://twitter.com/BostonConnr/status/1082389564206002177

Look for this game to expand in the coming weeks/months until we have a fully functional circuit. There’s still a few kinks to be worked out, some rules to be added, some obstacles to be installed; but it’s got the bare bones of everything you need to stay occupied in the office. Cash, clubs, chirping. Can’t ask for much more than that. The amount of money that has been gambled on D.O.G. so far could probably keep the lights in this place on for the next couple of months.. and it doesn’t seem to be running out of steam anytime. Gold jacket, green jacket.. who gives a shit.. we’re in this thing to make a couple bucks.

@tyschmit