This Weeks CTGSSOLRDBLWHCCP Award Goes To…..

Move over Lombardi, Heisman, Nagurski, Thorpe or any other football human that has an award named after them. There is officially a new king in the football awards community.  I introduce to you the Clausen, Tebow, Gabbert, Sanchez, Schaub, Osweiler, Leaf, Russell, Dilfer, Boller, Leinart, Weinke, Harrington, Carr, Couch, Peterman award. Each week I will be handing out this award to the QB that displayed an extreme proficiency in being terrible.

This week is not a normal week for this award. This week the CTGSSOLRDBLWHCCP is a lifetime achievement award. An in memoriam award. A salute to one of our fallen brothers. 

https://twitter.com/buffalobills/status/1062148063068864512

RIP Sweet Prince, you flew too close to the sun and now you’re gone to soon. I could not have asked for a better human to not only embrace this award but do his best to win it each week. A true hero that will never be forgotten. Nathan Peterman is the Harambe of the QB world. 

I’d like to highlight some of Nathan Peterman’s stats and greatest accomplishments. 

Nathan started 4 games, had 3 touchdowns, 12 interceptions, and a rating of 32.5. Well done Nathan, well done. Now for some career highlights. 

5 Interceptions against the Chargers.

Peterman comes in to throw 2 interceptions and win the game for the Texans

The End of Nathan Peterman. 3 Interceptions vs the Bears. 

https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/1059168525934346240
https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/1059180047343476736

The best way to sum up Nathan Peterman is with a quote from Lao Tzu

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Nathan Peterman is basically “death” in the final destination movies

https://twitter.com/YahooSportsNFL/status/1060298623257178112

I can’t believe the absolute disrespect that I am hearing from Bills fans. They started a GoFundMe to try and get Nathan Peterman to RETIRE. A QB who throws the most catchable ball in the NFL and has an award named after him. How dare they. An absolute egregious sign of disrespect. Well i’ve got news for you Bills fans. YOU CANT GET RID OF NATHAN PETERMAN. 

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1060916810646732800

Like Brock Osweiler, Nathan Peterman is a disease. You can’t get rid of Nathan Peterman. If he is on an NFL roster he is going to weasel his way onto that field somehow. Your starting QB will get hurt, your backup QB will get hurt, any other QB will be eaten by a pack of wolves. Somehow, someway, Brock Osweiler and Nathan Peterman will always find a way. Life finds a way. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/editingandlayout-VHW0X0GEQQjiU

With that being said, if you’re a loved one of Matt Barkley please hold him close. His life may be in jeopardy. There’s nothing you can really do to save him because Nathan Peterman is basically like death in the Final Destination movies and will find a way to kill any QB in front of him.

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1060926025662652417

Im going to break the fourth wall here and admit to everyone that comparing Brock and Peterman to death in the Final Destination Movies is possibly the favorite thing i’ve ever done. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/horror-gmTdMHoDt4ndK

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This Weeks CTGSSOLRDBLWHCCP Award Goes To…..

Move over Lombardi, Heisman, Nagurski, Thorpe or any other football human that has an award named after them. There is officially a new king in the football awards community.  I introduce to you the Clausen, Tebow, Gabbert, Sanchez, Schaub, Osweiler, Leaf, Russell, Dilfer, Boller, Leinart, Weinke, Harrington, Carr, Couch, Peterman award. Each week I will be handing out this award to the QB that displayed an extreme proficiency in being terrible.

Lets get to this weeks nominees:

1. Nathan Peterman: You have to respect a man that is so dedicated to the award that even though his name is already on the award he keeps trying to win it every single time he’s on the field. Lets take a look at the stats.

Not great Nate, not great. 50 Attempts for less than 200 yards and 3 picks is actually kind of impressive. DISCLAIMER* not all 3 picks were Peterman’s fault but when your an interceptionaholic it’s hard to stay away. He needs to throw them. They are his drug. Here are the highlights. 

https://twitter.com/betmybookie/status/1059160148491419648
https://twitter.com/ActionNetworkHQ/status/1059163098899189760
https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/1059180047343476736

Good Job, Good Effort Nathan.

2. Sam Darnold: Sam has been flirting with the CTGSSOLRDBLWHCCP award for weeks now. He started hot but seems to have fallen off quite a bit now that the Jets are the Jets again. Let’s take a look at the stats and highlights.

https://twitter.com/betmybookie/status/1059153531603566592
https://twitter.com/NFL_DovKleiman/status/1059181238295109634
https://twitter.com/JfinverSports12/status/1059186057441349632
https://twitter.com/MiamiDolphins/status/1059189052333744128

Here’s what makes Darnold’s performance so amazing, all of those interceptions were BAD interceptions. Like what the fuck was he thinking interceptions. Not only did he throw 4 interceptions but he threw 4 interceptions in a 13-6 game and one of them was a pick 6. Single handedly lost the game for the Jets. Hats off to you Mr Darnold. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/little-jeter-yCAoGdVUCW5LW

3. Jamarcus Russell: Absolutely incredible. Jamarcus hasn’t taken a snap in the NFL in almost 10 years but he somehow has found his was onto the nominees list for this week. Are you asking why? Here is why.

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1059133864931663874

He’s my winner. Your time will come Darnold but this week my hat goes off to Jamarcus Russell. You should know that I respect lazy and not giving a fuck but this is an entirely different level. This is what the award is about. Going out there every week and just being as shitty as you can. Jamarcus is the poster boy for this award and I can’t thank him enough. 

Let me know who you think should have won in the comments below.

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I Think I’ve Solved The NFL’s Dildo Problem

https://twitter.com/NoraPrinciotti/status/1057092541047291904

The SUN: NFL fan arrested for ‘throwing SEX TOY onto field’ during Buffalo Bills game against New England Patriots live on TV

Michael Abdallah has been charged with disorderly conduct after the shock incident during the Monday Night Football clash

There’s a few things that Buffalo is good at during football season. Breaking tables, making chicken wings, and throwing Dildo’s during their one prime time game of the year. So when you take away putting people through table’s and ESPN has a Wing segment in Buffalo that is sponsored by Applebees, there’s only one thing left to do…. Launch Dildo’s onto the field.

https://twitter.com/RossTuckerNFL/status/1057083789002895361
https://twitter.com/SabresCutie/status/1057084614945189889

I get that you can’t have 20,000 eight inch rubber spears being thrown onto the field and potentially adding to the CTE problem the NFL has… thats understandable. However a few Dildo’s is just good fun and not something you should be arrested for as long as you hit the field and not another human. Trust me, not much worse than getting hit in the face with a dildo. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-l3vRd4Df4ZYPtaWmA

Solution to the Problem: The Bills scoreboard has a dildo counter so that everyone in the stands is aware of how many Dildo’s have been thrown onto the field so far. The stadium is allowed 1 dildo per quarter and said dildo cannot be thrown while a play is going on. If a second dildo is thrown during a quarter then said dildo thrower will be removed from the stadium and given a small fine. The same punishment will be handed down to any individual who throws a dildo that hits another human or doesn’t make it to the field…. we aren’t here to waste dildo’s, cause concussions, or lose eyes. 

With this proposal we still get to have fun but also make sure we don’t abuse our privileges. You’re Welcome. 

https://giphy.com/gifs/season-7-the-simpsons-7×2-l0G17sS7uRkH9hHWw

Please let me know if there are any other NFL issues that you would like me to solve.

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