Yesterday, some news broke that LaMelo Ball is going back to high school to play for SPIRE Prep Academy in Geneva, Ohio and will be eligible to play immediately because he was never paid as a professional (complete and utter horseshit). This team is apparently loaded with top 10 recruits in the next two graduating classes and are headlined by the Rabid Romanian, 7’7″ Bob Bobroczky, who eats glass for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (talking about rebounding here).
Silky smooth jumper? Check. Elite low post moves? Check. High basketball IQ? Check. Appearance of someone who survived a nuclear fallout? Check. I think LaMelo is going to find it very hard to be sharing the rock with the Romanian Renaissance Man. This is the kind of guy who I imagine demands 30-40 touches per game, and if he doesn’t get fed the orange that many times, I envision him squeezing LaMelo Ball’s tiny head until it pops like a zit.
I don’t claim to know what kind of schedule SPIRE Academy plays, but if it’s a hotbed for recruits all over the nation, one would imagine they’ll be facing some stiff competition, something LaMelo hasn’t traditionally had success with. Now you’ll probably say, “Well, he was actually a very successful Lithuanian professional.” You’re right, he was pretty successful. But these high schoolers are kids who are going to be playing at places like Duke, Arizona, UNC, and Michigan St., they’re not blacksmiths, cobblers, and migrant workers who happen to play professional basketball in their free time. Need some proof that he crumbles in a pressure cooker? Take a gander at this:
The only potential savior here would be if Lavar Ball decides to move the corporate headquarters of Big Baller Brand to Geneva, Ohio to oversee LaMelo’s last year of high school ball in order to pull a couple of strings, act like a massive asshole, and put some more spotlight on this team.
He better be careful though, with the current climate of high school basketball at prep schools, one wrong move and LaMelo might find himself taking a tongue lashing from his head coach. There’s been a lot of that going around lately.
Hmmmmmm… for coaching at a Christian high school, that doesn’t sound too Christian to me, but I digress.
So I ask you, is LaMelo Ball any good at basketball? Or is this just another massive publicity stunt before his “star” burns out once and for all.