PMS 2.0 059 – The NFL’s All-Time Leading Scorer In Studio. Let’s. Go.

On today’s show, The GOAT, 4x Super Bowl Champion, 3x 1st Team All-Pro, the undisputed points king of the NFL, Adam Vinatieri, joins Pat and the guys in studio to chat about his record breaking season. He goes through his thought process before the record breaking kick in Oakland, what the NFLPA has been up to among all the rule change proposals, how many more years he has left in the tank, he tells a couple of stories that define the Adam Vinatieri competitive nature, and he breaks down his plans for the rest of the offseason at his ranch in Missouri (2:21-27:54). The guys also chat about the new commercial they’re shooting, dive into a little hockey talk, discuss the return of Game of Thrones and whether or not Pat plans to catch up before the start of the final season, they chat a little more about the Road Hawk Wrestlemania roadtrip, Pat tells a story about one of friends dogs that is half German Shepard half wolf, which spirals into whether or not a human could kill a wolf with his bare hands if he had too, and the guys also discuss the golden days of the internet with dial-up internet, bum fights/the Kimbo era, and AIM. It’s a good one, come and laugh with us, cheers.

Anthony Davis Wants To Be Traded. Now.

https://twitter.com/ShamsCharania/status/1089861318608334850

It was only a matter of time before this was going to happen. The Pelicans are trash and haven’t done much in the way of trying to help Anthony Davis. They grabbed Demarcus Cousins for a year, that obviously didn’t work, now they’re staring down the barrel of losing the cornerstone of the franchise one way or another.

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Now the question becomes, who will go after Big Tony Davis? The Lakers will be big time suitors after letting teams know that basically everyone sans LeBron will be available as a trade asset. If Davis were to get traded to the Lakers, you’d have to imagine that at least 2 of Kyle Kuzma, Brandon Ingram, and Lonzo Ball will be on their way out of town. Boston seems to a potential destination as well, but they wouldn’t be able to trade for Davis until July 1st because league rules stipulate that the Celtics can’t have Kyrie Irving and Anthony Davis’ contracts under the designated rookie exception (allows players coming off their rookie-scale deals earn up to 30 percent of the team’s salary cap rather than 25 percent).

Teams like the Suns also have a ridiculous amount of trade capital and could be in on the Davis sweepstakes. He just wants to go somewhere that will give him ample opportunities to win championships. And that sure as shit isn’t happening anytime soon in Phoenix, so it’ll be interesting to see how this all plays out.

Just go to LA, Tony. City of Stars, LeBron taking you under his wing showing you love until he starts passive aggressively hammering you to the media. You want a bigger commercial presence? Go to LA. You want to potentially have a starring role in the next Transformers movie or one of LeBron’s many game shows/sitcoms/series he has in production? Go to LA. When he’s eligible to sign an extension, he’s going to have more money that God, and I think LA would be an exceptional place to spend said money. Either that or he can okay a trade to somewhere like Sacramento, be miserable until he’s eligible to sign a fat extension, and then he can take his talents wherever his heart desires. It’s a tricky situation, but when $240 million is on the other side of that mountain, just do what you gotta do to survive. 

He may still be a little injury prone (he’s currently out with a volar plate avulsion fracture in his left index finger whatever the fuck that means), but he’s worth every penny he’s going to potentially earn. If Luke Walton wants to save his job– and he needs to with the heat already being applied by “LeBron’s Camp”–

https://twitter.com/SInow/status/1089866953311830016

Then he needs to make his way up to Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka’s offices and tell them he’s willing to do anything to land Tony Davis. He does that, and who knows, maybe the Lakers find themselves in position to make a run at another championship this year. I doubt it, but it’s possible. It’s time, Luke. Shoot your shot.

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Twitter: @tyschmit

Instagram: tyschmit

We’ve Created The Greatest Game Of All-Time: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf)

Here at PMI, we like to keep the competitive juices flowing as much as possible. In an office full of degenerates, you’re always trying to come up with some sort of game or challenge where you can take a couple of bucks off someone at any point during the day. Whether it’s shooting jumpers, slapping hockey balls into the top shelf, it doesn’t really matter, if it could possibly be done in this space, we’ve probably done it. “You could call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamilton’s,” is a pretty apt characterization for this office on any given day.

Last Thursday on Pat’s show, Gorms tossed out the idea of Pat playing in the 2020 Pebble Beach Pro-Am (he’s got a guy), and Pat responded that he would only do it if he could get good enough to make the cut and make a run at the title. So, that’s the new goal. Get Pat ready to potentially win the Pebble Beach Pro-Am.

It started simple enough. Everyone who wants some action throws down 10 or 20 bucks, and tries to chip it from the bar area into the enclave next to the basketball hoop. No easy task, there are some wild angulations in the basketball court, you never truly know which way the ball is going to break, and for some (myself, Connor) you may not have your preferred club handedness (Connor surprisingly is much better chipping left handed with a right handed blade).

Pat won the first few rounds of the enclave challenge with a couple beautiful kisses from the wedge, but after a couple rounds of that, people started getting Tiger vision and locking in on the correct path and swing plane necessary to land it right in the center of the enclave.

From the ashes of the enclave challenge comes arguably the best office game ever created: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf). The premise is pretty simple. One McAfee Block Party piece is set at a predetermined location around the office (limited quantities still available at store.patmcafeeshow.com). A small turf slab is placed approximately 20-30 yards away from said Block Party piece as the tee box. Whoever hits the block with their chip, chunk, or flop takes the cash.

May seem easy enough, but I assure you, this isn’t some par 3 on your local run. Take a little look at the green there and tell me if you can get a read on it. This game takes a combination of grit, vision, intelligence, mental toughness, and skill. It’s pretty evident that a lot of money is going to change hands with this game in the coming months. Pat has a history of dialing in chips with laser focus, and fisting everyone who has illusions of grandeur when it comes to padding the wallet in D.O.G. Gorms is a slimy bastard and has been playing some excellent D.O.G. shots as of late. Nick was fucking locked in yesterday, pin-seeking all day long. Evan was raised on golf course. Connor is more than willing to lose money anytime some utters the word bet. Todd will blade the absolute shit out of one in one round, and come back and miss the block by a half-an-inch the next round. It’s a nice little league we’ve got going. Here is some sample footage from yesterday to whet the appetite.

https://twitter.com/BostonConnr/status/1082389564206002177

Look for this game to expand in the coming weeks/months until we have a fully functional circuit. There’s still a few kinks to be worked out, some rules to be added, some obstacles to be installed; but it’s got the bare bones of everything you need to stay occupied in the office. Cash, clubs, chirping. Can’t ask for much more than that. The amount of money that has been gambled on D.O.G. so far could probably keep the lights in this place on for the next couple of months.. and it doesn’t seem to be running out of steam anytime. Gold jacket, green jacket.. who gives a shit.. we’re in this thing to make a couple bucks.

@tyschmit

The First Reviews Are In.. True Detective is BACK

IndieWire“Let’s get this out of the way: “True Detective” Season 3 is good. Whether or not you believe the first season to be an untouchable classic or an overrated but well-acted cop show, Nic Pizzolatto’s new episodes are a big step up from a second season as muddled and meaningless as that water stain above Vince Vaughn’s bed. With strong performances all-around — and a flat-out remarkable turn from Mahershala Ali — HBO’s third season benefits from reliable genre elements, a compelling central story, and aesthetics as lush as they are eerie.”

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YES. “Engaging without being enraging, and solid if not spectacular.” Granted, this is only a single review, and I didn’t do much digging to see if any other critics received any screeners, but this is promising. The teaser trailer for season 3 was great, looking more in line with the aesthetics and story structure of season 1, and getting as far away from the muddled mess that many thought season 2 was. Nic Pizzolatto probably bit off more than he could chew with season 2; super convoluted, so many storylines, an odd “mystery,” and a reluctance to let anyone else into the writers room. For season 3, he/HBO brought in David Milch (the creator of Deadwood) to help pen the season and four different directors with other HBO credits under their belts will be helming two episodes each. But the best move, in my humble opinion, was using this season as a star vehicle for Mahershala Ali. He’s one of the hottest, most accomplished stars working in Hollywood right now, and outside of his Oscar winning turn in Moonlight, this looks like it’s going to give him the kind of exposure his career surely deserves. Multiple timelines with a story spanning over three decades, an unsolved murder, and years and years of deep seated guilt, True Detective appears to be getting back to the basics.

The best part about this, is it stands alone. You don’t need any previous viewing history to jump in. Every season is an anthology and stands alone on it’s own legs. No head nods to previous seasons, no loose threads that connects everything. Starting January 13th, everyone is going to be on the same page. We’re heading into the doldrums of January here, and there’s a lot of dogshit that’s going to be on your TV for the next few months until it starts to get warmer. Be thankful that we’re getting a bonafide prestige drama right out of the gates in 2019. 

The best part: If this sucks (highly unlikely), after eight weeks, we just move on and wait until Thrones returns for its final season. No matter which way you slice it, True Detective season 3 is going to be the best TV show available in January. It’ll blow every network TV show out of the water, and likely will be the best show on premium cable to start the new year. If these early critic reviews are any indication (I checked a couple more, glowing reviews from everyone that’s seen it so far), we’re in for one hell of a season that should restore the good name of True Detective and wipe out the bad taste that season 2 left in most people’s mouths, and I for one, couldn’t be more excited. Let me know if youse guys are as excited for this as I am. Buckle up, it’s gonna be a good’un.

@tyschmit

Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 30 – Sweet Dreams

On today’s show, the guys discuss whether or not NFL players wear cups, if anyone in the room could go an entire year using email only to communicate for $100,000 tax free, and Pat chats a little bit about his new three-legged cat, Scootsie, and the contract he had his lady sign to ensure they won’t have anymore pets for the next 5 years, and everyone breaks down their weekends. The guys also discuss some of the biggest news stories sweeping the world including a police standoff with a man with a sword in Philadelphia, a man in Australia fleecing a bar ATM for over 1.6 million dollars over the course of four months, a viral video of police using stop sticks to blow out a criminals tires and potentially a couple of civilians’ as well, and a man who was sent to the hospital after smelling his socks each night after taking them off and getting a fungal infection. Todd also wants to know what position each guy in the room is playing if they were to attempt an Ocean’s 11 type heist, and who they’re going after. They also play some fact or fiction, answer some listener questions including which TV show group of friends they would like to be apart of, and what one rule they could change in any of the major sports. They close out the show by chatting a little bit about their dreams and dive into their phones to read a couple of their vitamin thoughts. It’s a fun one, come and have a good time with us.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeShow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @BroBroBroBets, @VivalaZito, and @evanfoxy, and ends with the song “Beer Run,” by Todd Snider.

ICYMI: Chicago Blackhawks Mascot Absolutely Bodied A Fan Over The Weekend

https://twitter.com/Suntimes/status/1074108899580669952
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Although the video above doesn’t show it, Tommy Hawk was the victim here. Allegedly, some punk picked a fight with him during the Blackhawks 4-3 overtime loss to Winnipeg in the Mad House on Madison on Saturday. The Chicago Sun-Times reported the following, “The alleged attacker was described as a white man between 18 and 20, about 5-foot-5 and 160 pounds. No one was in custody as of Saturday night.” 

I don’t think an arrest, or jail time, or anything else like that is necessary. This kid got ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BODIED by Tommy Hawk. If you get picked up and slammed into the concourse and then eat five or six punches and get put into a subsequent guillotine by a mascot after you start throwing a couple jabs his way, that’s social suicide. Every person that this kid knows saw him get his ass beat by Tommy Hawk. This video went viral quick and was one of ESPN’s top trending stories over the weekend. And if there’s any justice in this world, this kid will be getting shit shoveled in his mouth for the rest of the school year, and potentially the next 5-10 years. You never go after a mascot. It’s low hanging fruit. Granted, if you’re not one of the plants who gets popcorn or an XL soda spilled on them, and a mascot tries to get cute and zones in on you, then you have the greenlight. But if you blindside a mascot on the concourse while he’s trying to go around and take pictures with little kids and hand out a bunch of high-fives, you’re a real piece of shit.

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And boy oh boy did this kid regret it. If you’re going to pick a fight with a mascot, there should be a couple of things you check off your list before you do so:

1. Are you a 5’5″ 160 lb. pipsqueak who has a very good chance of being embarrassed and thrown through the concrete?

2. Are there hundreds of people around who would be able to film you getting your ass beat by said mascot and then have the ability to send it our via Twitter or Instagram to spread to the masses?

3. Are you sure underneath that fuzzy suit there isn’t an absolute specimen with a black belt in judo relishing the opportunity to kick some ass and bodyslam someone straight to hell should anyone be foolish enough to throw some cheap shots at him?

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4. Do you have incredibly tight khaki’s on that look more like high waters and people can see 3/4’s of your pixie stix legs below the ankle of the pant? 

If you can definitively answer yes to one or more of these questions, then going after the mascot isn’t a wise choice. It’s a lose-lose situation. So you get tuned up with the boys and you end up fighting the mascot. Best case scenario you go to jail for assault and everyone thinks you’re a horses ass because you picked a fight with someone you weren’t expecting to defend themselves. Or you do what this kid did. You try to act tough, probably suck down one to two IPA’s and you get some liquid courage only to find out that you fucked with the wrong guy and that he’s filled with rage and coming for blood.

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Obviously, the silver lining for this kid is that his name hasn’t been released.. yet. He’s got a day or two of obscurity before everyone in the greater Chicagoland area knows how big of a whistledick he is. Clock is ticking, pal.

Follow @tyschmit

Fart’n Dust Observations

So I’m old, so old that when I fart I fart dust (old joke). Well damn old compared to the crew that works at Heartland.  Pat McAfee, my son, obviously has created a Media hotspot.  During any day there are videos filmed, podcasts created, merchandise created, production meetings, etc, etc.

From the outside when an old guy like me who has worked in a physical manner all his life moves into a playground like The Pat McAfee Show to use office space he see’s an entirely different world.  At first glance you walk in and everyone is chit chatting, laughing, playing basketball and who knows what?  Then as the day goes on you start to see something.  Everything that has happened so far is a building block for the rest of the day.  There is a method to the madness.  Current events and new jokes and new projects come streaming out of the conversations and become “content”.  That’s right “content” the life blood of this crazy social media biz.  When discussions take place and someone brings up a “what if scenario” the usual response is well, even if it fails completely that’s great content.

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So what makes this place tick? Great people who on the surface look to genuinely care about each other and want the success of the company to be all of their success.  From Pat communicating the back end goings on, to the guys jumping in to help one another in anyway they can.  One minute they will be typing blogs the next they’ll be helping someone set up a shot for a video.  Or they’ll grab on to something someone else is moving.  Cooperation that is awesome to watch.  No one holds themselves more important than the others.  It is a team at the very core.

When one looks in from the outside you see an everyday party.  But when you pull the curtain back it is a hard working machine in the new world.   The world of content.  I am proud to know this team, they are an outstanding group.  And so proud of the one that put this entire thing together, Pat McAfee.

Welcome to the new frontier of content.

#CubeLifeFriday

If you didn’t know I spent my first 6 years out of college doing sales/consulting for ADP & American Express living that glorious Cube Life that many of you know so well. I was plucked from my cube by my boss friend Pat McAfee to dominate the internet world but the Cube Blood still courses my veins. 

I know how slow Friday’s can be. 98% of cube work is done between Monday at noon to Thursday at noon. Friday’s are not for work. Friday’s are for bullshitting with co workers, taking too long of a lunch, and browsing the internet until you can leave. If you’re lucky your company does not make you stay until 5 on Friday’s because they know its a waste of time too.

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So each Friday I am going to try and do a Cube Life blog to make 5 minutes of the day fo by a little faster. I say “try” because I don’t like commitments and there is for sure going to be Fridays that I miss. 

The first edition of #CubeLifeFriday is about using movie lines as humor to lighten the mood as well as come across as a human with some humor which goes a long way in the office. Those are long monotonous days and everyone enjoys a good laugh to help get through. I’m just going to give you a few movie lines that went over well for certain situations. 

  1. “I’ve had it with this dump, What are we doing here Harry” – Dumb and Dumber 

Absolute hilarious scene that works great in the office. A mass email comes in that the entire office is mad about. You yell out “What are we doing here Harry, I’ve had it with this dump, we’ve got no food, no jobs*, our pets heads are falling off” and you are guaranteed to get a laugh. Now yes I know it’s a little out of order but it works best that way and yes you have to be clever and substitute whatever the problem is in for Jobs because you obviously have those. If you deliver it right though, it’s a killer. 

2. “It’s 9:15 let’s have a great day everybody!” – The Other Guys

This is best run as a 2 man game. So hopefully you’re sitting near some of your compadres. It doesn’t matter if it’s actually 9:15, anytime in the morning works. I loved using this when myself or a coworker would open up their email in the morning and receive bad news that would obviously be bitched about out loud. You immediately hit them with the “It’s 9:15, let’s have a great day everybody” when things are already off to a terrible start and thats gold. Gold I tell you.

3. “I’ll just go fuck myself” or “Fuck me, right” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall / Super Bad

I included both of these together because they are both Jonah Hill and both interchangeable. These ones are pretty self explanatory. Anytime you speak or ask someone for something or anything where someone ignores you or doesn’t hear you, “I’ll just go fuck myself” plays great. “Fuck me, Right” works anytime anything goes wrong which could be a lot. 

4. “Mr Not-gonna, Not-gonna work here anymore anyway” – Office Space

Kills me anytime. This one is best used between a smaller group as to not seem like a complete dickhead all the time. Anytime someone is doing terrible at their job and you don’t give a shit about them it’s always fun to drop this one around your work friend group. 

5. “Dodgson, We’ve got Dodgson here… see nobody cares.” – Jurassic Park

Anytime someone in the office is making a big deal out of nothing. This happens A LOT. People are always so worried in the office like they can get fired at anytime. It cost a company so much money to fire and then hire someone new. You have more slack than you think. So anytime someone is whispering something that you know is not a big deal feel free to let the Dodgson fly. 

6. “We were stuck in a blender, and now we’re saving lives? what?” – The Internship

Perfect for anytime you just got yourself out of a sticky situation. You were stuck in the blender and now you’re saving lives. It’s that simple. 

Those are just a few of my favorite examples that pop up on a regular basis, there are literally 100’s more from many other things. You can gather so many from the office, office space, Seinfeld, etc. and dominate your office. 

Feel free to send me more examples on twitter @Digz with #CubeLifeFriday and also any ideas for the next #CubeLifeFriday blogs. Have a great weekend.