PMS 2.0 065 – “Deflategate Was The Worst, D’Qwell Jackson, Live From A Batcave”

On today’s show, Pat and the guys record the show live from his backyard in what feels like an Indiana summer night. They discuss the NFL schedule release and highlight a couple of different games that they are looking forward to, including Packers vs. Bears to open the season on Thursday night, Steelers vs. Patriots on the first Sunday night, and a couple of the Thursday night and Monday night games that look to be good matchups. They squeeze in a little hockey talk as Pat has to respond to the city of Pittsburgh after the Pens got swept by the Islanders. They also discuss Russell Wilson’s new contract, and whether or not any of his teammates in the locker room actually like him. They also discuss movie biopics, and how Pat see’s the movie about his life unfolding. Also joining the show is 11 year NFL veteran, Pro Bowler, and the man who started the entire Deflategate situation by intercepting a Tom Brady pass, D’Qwell Jackson. He and Pat talk about their relationship as teammates, his video for The Uninterrupted about how all he wants is his playoff interception from the Deflategate game to be returned to him, and what he’s been doing to enjoy his retirement thus far. (4:15-18:44) To close out the show, Zito makes a triumphant return trying to read and ad, and the guys each give their favorite summer banger to give you something to chew on heading into the weekend. It’s a fun show, come and laugh with us. Cheers.

PMS 2.0 063 – Magic Johnson

On today’s show, Pat talks a little more about the massive fine that Zito is responsible for, and The Pub makes a PSA for all it’s members asking for help paying the fine (shirts available at store.PatMcAfeeShow.com with promo code “FreeZito”.) Pat and the guys also cover the whole MyBookie situation, and discuss Magic Johnson stepping down as President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers, and why he chose to do so on the same night that Dirk Nowitzki and Dwyane Wade retired. Pat also makes a big announcement regarding his upcoming golf outing, and answers a couple questions from Instagram for another edition of #ChatWithPat. Also joining the show is friend of the program, co-host of That’s Hockey Talk, and starting center for the Arizona Cardinals, AQ Shipley. They dive deep into the NHL playoffs and what AQ thinks about being in the podcast game. He also discusses what he expects from the Arizona Cardinals this year and how Kliff Kingsbury has been in the locker room so far, what it’s like being a dad, whether or not NFL players have the responsibility of getting their eventual replacements ready to play, and what he’s been doing to keep himself busy while waiting for the NFL season to start (1:00:06-1:39:07). Today is a fun one. Come and laugh with us, cheers.

Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 49 – Todd Vs. Steven Seagal

On today’s show, the guys cover a range of topics including sick dogs puking and dropping bombs everywhere in Todd’s house, the car buying process at a dealership, how many rolls of toilet paper the average person uses on a weekly basis, what the guys would do if they had an almanac similar to the one from Back To The Future for sports betting, and Kanye’s Sunday gospel services. They also dive into trash TV, the proper etiquette when it comes to getting gas, a mouse that has been absolutely terrorizing The Pub, the Hulu Fyre Fest documentary, whether or not the guys could win in a fight against the most famous celebrity who shares their name, and they recap the St. Paddy’s Day t-shirt sale contest, PETA taking a massive L for trying to slander Steve Irwin, and much more. It’s a fun one, come and have a good time with us.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeShow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @HeyGorman, @VivalaZito, and @evanfoxy, and closes with an absolute banger from Metallica.

Anthony Davis Wants To Be Traded. Now.

It was only a matter of time before this was going to happen. The Pelicans are trash and haven’t done much in the way of trying to help Anthony Davis. They grabbed Demarcus Cousins for a year, that obviously didn’t work, now they’re staring down the barrel of losing the cornerstone of the franchise one way or another.

Now the question becomes, who will go after Big Tony Davis? The Lakers will be big time suitors after letting teams know that basically everyone sans LeBron will be available as a trade asset. If Davis were to get traded to the Lakers, you’d have to imagine that at least 2 of Kyle Kuzma, Brandon Ingram, and Lonzo Ball will be on their way out of town. Boston seems to a potential destination as well, but they wouldn’t be able to trade for Davis until July 1st because league rules stipulate that the Celtics can’t have Kyrie Irving and Anthony Davis’ contracts under the designated rookie exception (allows players coming off their rookie-scale deals earn up to 30 percent of the team’s salary cap rather than 25 percent).

Teams like the Suns also have a ridiculous amount of trade capital and could be in on the Davis sweepstakes. He just wants to go somewhere that will give him ample opportunities to win championships. And that sure as shit isn’t happening anytime soon in Phoenix, so it’ll be interesting to see how this all plays out.

Just go to LA, Tony. City of Stars, LeBron taking you under his wing showing you love until he starts passive aggressively hammering you to the media. You want a bigger commercial presence? Go to LA. You want to potentially have a starring role in the next Transformers movie or one of LeBron’s many game shows/sitcoms/series he has in production? Go to LA. When he’s eligible to sign an extension, he’s going to have more money that God, and I think LA would be an exceptional place to spend said money. Either that or he can okay a trade to somewhere like Sacramento, be miserable until he’s eligible to sign a fat extension, and then he can take his talents wherever his heart desires. It’s a tricky situation, but when $240 million is on the other side of that mountain, just do what you gotta do to survive. 

He may still be a little injury prone (he’s currently out with a volar plate avulsion fracture in his left index finger whatever the fuck that means), but he’s worth every penny he’s going to potentially earn. If Luke Walton wants to save his job– and he needs to with the heat already being applied by “LeBron’s Camp”–

Then he needs to make his way up to Magic Johnson and Rob Pelinka’s offices and tell them he’s willing to do anything to land Tony Davis. He does that, and who knows, maybe the Lakers find themselves in position to make a run at another championship this year. I doubt it, but it’s possible. It’s time, Luke. Shoot your shot.

Twitter: @tyschmit

Instagram: tyschmit

PMS 2.0 039 – Football Talk With A Hawk… Also.. Potential World Tour

On today’s show, Pat welcomes former Packer great, Super Bowl Champion, partner in the booth, and friend of the show, AJ Hawk, for the debut of a new segment. They cover Pat’s NFL broadcasting debut and what AJ heard from some of his friends still playing on the Packers. They also discuss the two playoff matchups this weekend, and chat about what AJ has been doing recently, what he wants his endgame to be professionally, and why he isn’t a fan of debate shows on TV (2:07-37:26). Later, Pat and the guys discuss some things that are going on in the world including a potential new comedy tour, a few things that they didn’t know about Zito, they chat about dogs and some of the other creatures that are roaming around the McAfee estate, and do a quick check-in on the weight loss challenge. Plus Pat tells a few more stories about Chuck Pagano when they first met each other. It’s a good one, come and laugh with us. Cheers.

Heartland Radio 2.0 Ep. 37 – Pat McAfee: Former Pauper

On today’s show, the guys give an update on the weight loss competition and discuss what the D.O.G. leaderboard is currently looking like, plus chat about The Situation preparing to go to jail on tax evasion charges, the Clemson football team being served McDonald’s at the White House by the President, and a woman in Texas being banned from her local Walmart for drinking wine out of a Pringles can and riding a scooter in the parking lot. Todd wants to know what name the guys would give themselves if they were assassins, and Gorms wants to know what everyone’s first impression of him was as the guys get a little introspective. They also play some Elvis related fact or fiction, answer a few listener questions including what they would do if they were a computer virus, and who they would choose if they could be any cartoon character. To close the show, the guys each give some vitamin thoughts. It’s a fun one, come and have a good time with us.

This episode features @toddmccomas, @PatMcAfeeShow, @Digz, @nickmaraldo, @tyschmit, @BostonConnr, @HeyGorman, @VivalaZito, @evanfoxy, and closes with “Poor Man Blues,” by Zac Wilkerson

Has Anybody’s Life Changed Quicker Than This Girl’s?

Can you imagine someone’s life changing quicker than Rachel Zegler’s life changed forever yesterday? Going from an unassuming, average high school student who loves theatre and school plays and then BOOM, you get casted in Steven Spielberg’s new adaptation of ‘West Side Story.’ Pretty fucking wild 24 hours for her I assume. West Side Story is one of the most popular stories of all-time. Every old from here to LA has a heart warming tale about the first time they saw West Side Story. The last film they made about this won Best Picture at the 1961 Academy Awards. Now you’ve got Spielberg coming on board to direct after he’s had a series of minor missteps (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or whatever the fuck it’s called was the start of his run of bad luck.)

If I were Rachel, I think today would be the perfect opportunity to start dancing on some graves at school. Certain guy she liked didn’t want to take her to homecoming? “Oh, I’m sorry we’re not going to be able to hangout for awhile, Steven doesn’t like me to be away from set too long.” A couple mean girls keep giving her shit for being a thespian? “What’re you guys up to next month, I’M GOING TO BE A LEAD ACTRESS IN A FUCKING STEVEN SPIELBERG MOVIE.” If there was ever a time to be a bitch and get some sweet, sweet redemption for anytime that she has been wronged, now is your time to shine. Strike while the iron is hot. I could care less about the movie, the music will probably be incredible, but the whole is more than likely to just be a retread of the original. Still pretty cool that this girl got plucked from obscurity and if she’s being groomed by Spielberg, it stands to reason she could be on her way to a lucrative and successful film career. 

30,000 fucking people. Good for her. Doesn’t have to worry about essays, tests, school work, curfews, all of that bullshit is for the birds. She’s going to be a star now, and star’s don’t put up with this kind of bullshit. Break a leg, Maria.

@tyschmit

Some Thoughts On Matt LaFleur, The New Packers HC

First things first. I understand Matt LaFleur shares a last name with Peter LaFleur of Dodgeball fame. Stop sending me “cram it up your cram hole, LaFleur,” .gifs. I get it. Now if you wanted to make your own meme about the situation, that may be another story…

Anyways, I don’t really know how I feel about this hire. My gut reaction was not great:

Yes, I understand LaFleur comes from the Shanahan/McVay coaching tree, but why is that a guarantee that LaFleur is a wunderkind the likes of McVay? It doesn’t. It means he soaked up some things from McVay and Shanahan while working under them, but those guys are both calling the shots, and calling ALL the plays for their respective teams while he was on staff, regardless of what his coaching title was. I understand the Titans personnel this past season wasn’t great, but I don’t know if that gives a free pass to excuse everything and act like he’s going to be the second coming of Bill Walsh. I’m not saying he won’t be good, literally no one knows if he will be, I just didn’t think the Packers would be the first team dipping their toes into the water with a new coach. Didn’t even conduct a second round of interviews. He impressed them enough to have them just say “FUCK IT, HE’S OUR GUY!” A lot of former players are saying they love this hire, so I guess that’s a good sign? 

Realistically, I was probably going to bitch regardless of who the Packers hired if it wasn’t Bruce Arians. I wanted him baaaaaaaad. And I undoubtedly still have a very sour taste in my mouth from the way the season ended. The thing that bothers me the most is LaFleur wanting to keep Mike Pettine around. I understand. He only had a year, but how do we know this guy shouldn’t be pushing a fucking broom somewhere? He looks like a football coach, and as of now, that might be the only reason he’s still getting looks and holding down jobs and not snaking toilets.

Outside of everything that I just said, I’m going to reserve judgement until I see what kind of plays and schemes LaFleur is cooking up next year. If they really believe that he’s the guy to get Rodgers back to an MVP season and in turn, the Packers into the playoffs, then so be it. That would be incredible. If he crashes and burns and the Packers suck phallus for the next three years, that would be undesirable, but at that point you’d drain the swamp and get rid of everyone including GM Brian Gutekunst (jury is still out on whether or not he knows what the fuck he’s doing).

That’s about as much optimism that you’re going to get out of me, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. Two first round draft picks, a lot of cap room, and a new coach who is either an offensive genius, or some guy who has slept on Sean McVay’s couch a couple of times. Only time will tell.

@tyschmit

We’ve Created The Greatest Game Of All-Time: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf)

Here at PMI, we like to keep the competitive juices flowing as much as possible. In an office full of degenerates, you’re always trying to come up with some sort of game or challenge where you can take a couple of bucks off someone at any point during the day. Whether it’s shooting jumpers, slapping hockey balls into the top shelf, it doesn’t really matter, if it could possibly be done in this space, we’ve probably done it. “You could call us Aaron Burr from the way we’re dropping Hamilton’s,” is a pretty apt characterization for this office on any given day.

Last Thursday on Pat’s show, Gorms tossed out the idea of Pat playing in the 2020 Pebble Beach Pro-Am (he’s got a guy), and Pat responded that he would only do it if he could get good enough to make the cut and make a run at the title. So, that’s the new goal. Get Pat ready to potentially win the Pebble Beach Pro-Am.

It started simple enough. Everyone who wants some action throws down 10 or 20 bucks, and tries to chip it from the bar area into the enclave next to the basketball hoop. No easy task, there are some wild angulations in the basketball court, you never truly know which way the ball is going to break, and for some (myself, Connor) you may not have your preferred club handedness (Connor surprisingly is much better chipping left handed with a right handed blade).

Pat won the first few rounds of the enclave challenge with a couple beautiful kisses from the wedge, but after a couple rounds of that, people started getting Tiger vision and locking in on the correct path and swing plane necessary to land it right in the center of the enclave.

From the ashes of the enclave challenge comes arguably the best office game ever created: D.O.G. (Degenerate Office Golf). The premise is pretty simple. One McAfee Block Party piece is set at a predetermined location around the office (limited quantities still available at store.patmcafeeshow.com). A small turf slab is placed approximately 20-30 yards away from said Block Party piece as the tee box. Whoever hits the block with their chip, chunk, or flop takes the cash.

May seem easy enough, but I assure you, this isn’t some par 3 on your local run. Take a little look at the green there and tell me if you can get a read on it. This game takes a combination of grit, vision, intelligence, mental toughness, and skill. It’s pretty evident that a lot of money is going to change hands with this game in the coming months. Pat has a history of dialing in chips with laser focus, and fisting everyone who has illusions of grandeur when it comes to padding the wallet in D.O.G. Gorms is a slimy bastard and has been playing some excellent D.O.G. shots as of late. Nick was fucking locked in yesterday, pin-seeking all day long. Evan was raised on golf course. Connor is more than willing to lose money anytime some utters the word bet. Todd will blade the absolute shit out of one in one round, and come back and miss the block by a half-an-inch the next round. It’s a nice little league we’ve got going. Here is some sample footage from yesterday to whet the appetite.

Look for this game to expand in the coming weeks/months until we have a fully functional circuit. There’s still a few kinks to be worked out, some rules to be added, some obstacles to be installed; but it’s got the bare bones of everything you need to stay occupied in the office. Cash, clubs, chirping. Can’t ask for much more than that. The amount of money that has been gambled on D.O.G. so far could probably keep the lights in this place on for the next couple of months.. and it doesn’t seem to be running out of steam anytime. Gold jacket, green jacket.. who gives a shit.. we’re in this thing to make a couple bucks.

@tyschmit

The Picks Are In: The Heartland Radio 2.0 2019 Death Pool

2019 has sent a couple of swift kicks to the testicles so far in terms of celebrity deaths. On January 2nd, most people were settling in to the New Year, crossing their t’s, dotting their I’s, figuring out what New Year’s resolutions they’re going to eventually shit can a couple of weeks down the road, and then WHAM. Mean Gene Okerlund dies. If you aren’t really a wrestling fan, or didn’t watch it back in the day, you probably don’t give two shits that he passed away. So that’s got me reeling a little bit, tough to swallow no doubt, but things happen, people die. BOOM. Bob Einstein aka Super Dave Osborne aka Marty Funkhouser dies within a couple of hours. Arguably one of the funniest characters on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and one of the most respected comics out there.. it’s tough.

Alas, this is just part of life. People live, people die, the show goes on. Which brings me to a tradition unlike any other around the studio here.. the Heartland Radio death pool. The rules are pretty simple. Pick anyone celebrity under the age of 80 who you think is going to die in 2019. Anyone over 80 has aged out and is living on borrowed time. Last year, no one picked died, so if you’re a celebrity reaching the twilight of your life, you may actually want to find yourself firmly entrenched on this list. Just kidding, we’ve got some good picks this year, and I hate to say it, but I think we may have hit the nail on the head with a couple of these. Now let’s get to the picks.

There you have it, think we have some quality picks in here. Here’s an easier representation in graphic form:

Who do you have as your 2019 death pool champion, and are there any glaring omissions to this list? Let me know.

@tyschmit